Friday, 5 July 2013
Tear drops and break ups...........................................
Well what a week.............
Our darling daughter, whom we haven't seen much of this past year, except the odd days when she needed a lift to or from work, or to use the washing machine, came home Thursday and was very confused and upset.
Hubby and I sat her down once her brothers had gone to bed, and we listened for a few hours while she told us of the many things that were not right in her life.
It seems she has been very unhappy with her boyfriend for some time. Despite her efforts to explain to him her feelings, he didn't seem to get the message. Instead, he made things worse, and actually succeeded in driving her away.
She felt torn. She cares for him, and didn't want to hurt him, but at the same time, when we asked her the question "WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT HIM?" she couldn't answer.
I think she had to hear it plain, and her dad basically slapped truth in her face. You are doing him no favours, it will hurt, but pretending any longer will only hurt you both more.
She has been a bit of a bitch the last few months. I actually had a go at her about it. Turns out she was trying to evoke something from him. ANYTHING. She even hoped he would dump her, as she thought that will spare him some pain. But the kid didn't get it.
They just grew apart. He was happy in his world of games, and toys, and nonsense. She was stuck in his room, endlessly listening to him moan about his dad, his job, his mum, his life, and she became more and more suffocated.
She tried to help him. But his temper got grumpier, and his moody moans, and victim plays just drove her nuts. Apparently this has been going on for a while. We just didn't know about it.
She wanted to move out, grow up, start something strong, and he refused to man up. All her creative outlet died. She felt trapped. She couldn't even hang out with her old uni mates as his jealously was too much to handle. Then his comments over her family.....US...... I think that is what did it. He stepped too far. As she said to us "At least we LOVE each other in this house!"
So she braced herself and sat him down. There were tears, and shouting, hugs, and a kind of understanding.
I got a message as I was leaving work Monday..."Mum I broke up with D, can you pick me up, I'm at his, and I have all my stuff packed and ready to take home."
I wasn't sure what to find when I got there. I wondered if she would be sat out on the drive way. Surprised to see them walk out , hug goodbye, and with a promise to be friends.
Over this week, she has changed. She looks healthy. She is laughing, seeing old friends, and drawing and painting again.
She told us it feels like a huge weight has gone, and she feels alive again.
I guess that is proof the relationship was no good.
However for D it isn't as wonderful. He has not stopped calling, texting, and emailing. She is becoming more and more angry at him. The more he tries to guilt her back, the more he is pushing her away, and I fear there wont be much friendship left soon at this rate. It is sad. But as she says he just doesn't LISTEN. That's the problem.
Honestly Hubby and I are happy it is over. He was a nice enough boy, but he was just that. We tolerated him because she cared for him, and that was that. No hope, just did not leave us with any feeling that he would be able to take good care of her, he just wasn't a man. Clueless, and un-willing to learn which was the scary part. What can you do with a boy like that? She spent more time mothering him, and it pissed her off.
Is it bad hubby and I were over joyed by the news?
I feel sorry for D, it isn't nice to feel rejected. But from what I hear he has had a year of chances, and he just got more and more settled into D world, and took her for granted.
I am happy she is home, safe, and feeling free. It is wonderful to see her drawing, and laughing, and going out with girlfriends, and male friends, who she has missed so much.
I have told her next guy, please choose one that will fit in better. Who has his shit together, and who isn't an arrogant nob. Someone who can be strong, dependable, and who will leave us in no doubt that he will be a good dad, husband, and friend.
We all want our kids to be happy. I hope she finds her prince one day. I guess she just has to kiss a few frogs along the way first.
She just couldn't see a future with him. It was the best thing all round.