Thursday, 30 May 2013

My dear Wife.....&..... Today while I was shopping..............

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 22-year-old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset—I shall be home before midnight. 

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: 

My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a maths teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 22 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of maths  you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference: 22 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 22. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

Today :

I never expected a routine shopping trip at our local shops, to end up at the Police Station. 

This afternoon, in the chip aisle, I was stopped by a Middle Eastern man,in his early 20's, with an intellectual disability. 

He stopped me and said 'hello' and held out his hand as if to want to shake mine.

I said 'hello' back, but he didn't move but came closer extending his hand out more, so I politely shook it, and then went to remove it from his grasp.

But the man had my hand then, and he was now shoving it inside his jacket and holding it tightly under his arm pit. 

'Tickle me' he asked.

'No' and I tried to take back my arm.

'Tickle me' he said louder.

'I don't want to tickle you, NO' I said more firm, but it made no difference.

An old lady was coming closer and saw my distress and stopped to watch.

By this stage I had my arm back out of his jacket but he caught my wrist and was pushing up my sleeve. I used my other hand to pull my sleeve back down, as he push it up again, and took my spare hand and was trying to force me to cuddle him.

'Tickle me please' he said.

'NO' snatching my hands back and looking around for some help.

He then held my semi exposed arm and began dragging it down the front of his shirt towards his penis.

'Please Tickle me' he groan at me again.

Now I was freaked out. Cornered, and no where to run, can't run anyway, sore back, thinking this man is going to hurt my back if he tugs me down any harder, I just SCREAMED out at the to of my lungs my hubby's name, who was a few aisles down. 

This made him stop, and he said 'No, no, no...', and waving his arms about as if I needed to stop screaming and he ran away. 

All this took place with child 2 standing next to me. We both where a bit shocked. The store manager checked the footage, and now the police will contact centre management so that the other shop owners will be aware if he comes out shopping again. 

It was really surreal, and has left me a little shaken. He is a strong lad, and really should not be allowed to roam about alone, with those kind of sexual urges.

Hubby went out to look for him, but he was long gone. I am OK now now. The staff were really nice to me. But honestly people like that should not be allowed out without a carer.

Tuesday, 21 May 2013


Biggest on record. Over 3km in length. On the ground for over 45 mins. Winds over 300km/hr. Those poor people. It hit them during the school run. I heart goes out to all those people. I can not even imagine how scary it would have been to live through something like this, and they are saying on the news that it may not be over yet as it is the season, and they could get more! 

This is what I woke to this morning. My hubby telling me "Hey come take a look at this, you are not going to believe it!" Then there on the news today I listened to the reporter stating that the biggest Tornado in our history, hit Oklahoma. As I sit here with the news updating constantly on the TV, eating my breakfast, drinking my tea. Safe, warm, I can't tell you how utterly surreal this feels.

This week our planet has experienced so much. I am not sure if you are aware, but this week we've had hail stones the size of soccer balls, multiple volcanoes erupting simultaneously, various earthquakes, large marine deaths, fireballs, meteors and now this! ALL IN 1 WEEK!

Think its pretty safe to say something is wrong yes!

I am not making this shit up, check out the links below. 

Oklahoma my prays are with you now. 

Monday, 20 May 2013


The other day we ran out of CAT FOOD............

The cats were mortified......

So Hubby fed them real human TUNA........

You're thinking that they died and went to kitty heaven aren't you??

Like these two happy pussy's......

 NOPE, they didn't touch it, not a bit, and they were hungry alright.

FEED ME.............

Makes you wonder WTF is in the TUNA??

Let's talk about SEX!

Sex, sex, sex..............

Have you ever been so horny that you almost turn into a mega irritable BITCH?

Well maybe that's just me?

But I'd say no, it's not just me or else we wouldn't have had HYSTERIA listed as a medical illness not so long ago in our history! 

Now how funny would that be now, just picture it, going to the doctors so that he could masturbate you till you had ORGASMIC relief! 

But at least the invention of the vibrator came out of that, and aren't we all pleased about that?? SOMETHING JUST FOR US that isn't meant for cooking and cleaning!!

So glad women of today are much more informed and have a better knowledge of the function of the CLITORIS.

I read about a survey on waxing...well waxing down know going the full Monty on your girl bits. I am happy to report that most men actually like a bit of hair there! Neat, not over the top bush, we don't want a jungle, but definitely a plus for the sexy turn on factor! THANK BLOODY HEAVENS.

I never did understand the crazy trend to want to turn your womanly features into pre-pubescent skinned rabbit looking things. Not to mention how much having a FULL XXX WAX would HURT! I have always wondered about the itch factor of growing the hair back too. Don't you just hate the itchy bikini line? Once those nicely shaped pubes start making a come back, it's just prickle city! To think of that all over could almost make me weep.

But it isn't always about the masturbated orgasm is it?  Sometimes even that isn't enough. I wonder if that is why gay women sometimes come across as very bitchy, or cranky? Gay men always seem well GAY, as in HAPPY, but I can not say the same for all gay women in my day to day exposure. I have had a few gay work friends both male and female, so I am not just rambling, it is just pure observation. Or may be it's just the vegetarian factor, who knows? 

I can only speak from personal experience that there are times when only a good ROMP will do the trick. Really. There is something almost chemical about it. I feel well after wards. I look younger. I am balanced. It never fails to amaze hubby, even after all these years. What can I say he must have healing spunk? Or Maybe it's just me?? No I really think it is a hormonal chemical exchange and for some unknown reason it fixes whatever emotional unbalance I have, INSTANTLY. Well multi-orgasms are pretty awesome too.

Too much? No don't cringe. Don't be afraid. It's 2013 and we still are red faced about SEX?

It's normal. It's healthy, and for a loving couple it is darn right important.

     I watched a program on the ABC channel recently called "7 Days Of Sex". Basically two couples, who's sex lives had hit a real low, agree to an experiment to see if having sex for 7 days in a row will bond them or break them.

Now when the male partners all tell their mates that they are doing this, he almost becomes a figure of complete ore and wonder. As if he has hit the holy grail. That lucky bastard, he gets a guaranteed romp for 7 days! Slap on back please................The women usually cringe. WHY?

What I found most interesting is the women also want more loving sex, but are needing their husbands to understand why they may be choosing to sleep rather than YEAH BABY!

It isn't always played out in that fashion either, sometimes it's the women utterly frustrated with their once upon a time Romeo's who has now become sir-work-a-lot, or just another child to mother in the house. 

What I liked is how over the course of the week, the couples each have days were their wishes need to be addressed, and this seems to always open the doors to communication, and BINGO, all of a sudden, the fireworks start happening.

So what have we learned thus far????

  1. Communication is key to any good relationship.
  2. Honesty. 
  3. Trust.
  4. Respect.
  5. Friendship
  6. LOVE.

This this really all we need as the base for any good relationship? Is it really that simple?

Well I think it's a good start. For without these six ingredients, your cake will not rise, and the base will burn. That is a given.

So the couples are for a better word forced to get it on. Day 1 usually has the man very happy, but  the women are more, how shall we say, not quite there yet!

I shake my head and just want to scream. Scream at them both. 

"Hey mate, maybe if you help about the house, and with the kids, or made dinner, or gave a general flying fuck about your wife, she would be more accommodating in the bedroom! Doing the dishes or cooking dinner for your woman who may be really tired after working too is classed in most women's minds as a type of FOREPLAY. Also for fuck sake GO DOWN SOUTH!"

"Hey lady, if you were not such a bitch factor 2000, and asked for what you needed, and showed your husband how much you really do appreciate how hard he works for you, and has provided for you, and given you such a nice house to live in, maybe he would respect you more???"

"HEY COUPLES, sex should not be this hard? You can say the word, SEX, yes that's right SEX, Don't just spell it out like it will curse you and place warts all over your face..... "Well it's day 4 and we just had.....S....E.....X.... task achieved!"  OH YUCK!

You are married. You are allowed to FUCK. You are allowed to really enjoy it too. You can also say ORGASM.  One lady's hubby announced that finally she had reached a climax, and had an orgasm. She wasn't able to get there in the days before this. She flipped. She was mortified, stating that her parents would watch this!


Hate to tell you hon, but we are all watching, and what I find so sad is that you feel ashamed you had an ORGASM with your HUSBAND of 7 years, during SEX!


You should be smiling, happy, and heck woman you should have had two!

Why is this always coming up? 2013 and men and women are still struggling to please each other in the bedroom.

Would there be less divorce, and infidelity if couples could just connect well in the bedroom, and then transcend that connection into the rest of the home? 

Let me give you an example of one couple:

He is a pilot.
She is a stay at home mum to a very young baby.
He also has a child from another relationship that comes to stay off and on.
They were once a party hard, late night, sex anywhere, all the time type of folks. They enjoyed it, they had fun with it, and they since the birth of their son, now missed it A LOT.

He wants to still play, and party, and still pretty much has his life and not much has changed except his sex life.

She wants him to accept that they are parents now, and she can't just go out and party hard all night as she will not cope with the baby the next day. She also has attachment issues with the baby. Why can't he see that?

So on her day she left him to have a day essentially being her. As much as it killed her not to leave things ready for her baby, she did it. 

He had to look after their son, feed, change, and play with him, as well as cook a home made dinner.

Well, not that bad really. After all she does this sort of thing EVERYDAY right?

He is laughing and a bit nervous, but is thinking this isn't really as bad as she claims it to be.

So with a home cooked dinner to get ready, and baby to sort out he starts.


While she went out for a much needed day with the girls, he destroyed the kitchen.

He couldn't get the chicken right, and he was mixing this and that, he broke the mixer, and blocked the sink. Let's just say that what could have gone wrong did. His son was demanding, and he was with baby in sling, baby bottle in hand doing his best to make mashed potatoes.

Needless to say when his wife returned, her  rather tidy kitchen was a war zone. No home cooked dinner ready, and only her baby son was asleep.
the kitchen sink was blocked and all this smelly black goo was floating in the sink, and she stood there not knowing if she should laugh or cry. It looked like EVERY SINGLE plate, dish, spoon, was out and dirty, and he was a total mess, and very, very, humble.

Well she didn't get mad, and she remained patient as he fixed the pipes to the sink, and cleaned the dishes. 

It was very late now, early hours of the morning, and they still had to check off the box for day 3. Well now how very interesting that HE WAS SO TIRED, that sex wasn't what he REALLY wanted to do. But he did, and it wasn't great, and it was quick. SURPRISE.

So I guess sometimes a walk in someone else's shoes can really open up a new perspective. But why aren't couples already doing this?

Anyway, they each discovered by meeting each other in the middle, everyone was happy, and the sex then just came naturally, and freely, and ORGASMIC fun was had by all.


  1. Don't forget about romance. Not just candles, dinner, that is not what I am saying, but romance her mind. Show her you care by doing the little things. 
  2. Tell her often how you feel about her.
  3. Kiss and hug her just out of the blue with no strings attached.
  4. Go down on your woman. LEARN WHAT THE FUCK A CLITORIS is, and how to PLEASURE IT.
  5. Change it up a little.
  6. Go slow, relax, touch. Kiss. Tell her how special she is.


  1. Remember your man has feelings too.
  2. Tell him how well he is doing. Appreciate him for all he does. Don't just shoot him down. Allow him the opportunity to show you.
  3. Loosen up and have fun sometimes. You wont get arrested if the dishes are not done before bed.
  5. BLOW him occasionally. Don't just lie there and go through your to do list while he works away on you. It is hard work up there. You try doing 50-100 push ups. Help him. Get into into it. RELAX. You just might enjoy it??
  6. Show him how and what you like. Tell him how good his cock is. 

Always make time for each other..................

Tease, flirt, have is really very bonding, and when a couple works as a team in all things, sex isn't ever one of 'THOSE' issues. 

A woman who is treated well, feels safe, and well loved, will TRUST you, and if you are honest and truly LOVE her she will give you her all.

Spice it up a bit. Take charge. That is really sexy. Oh and Ladies, this applies to you too!

Friday, 17 May 2013

....and now for a bit of silly.......

 Just what would I do without FACEBOOK??

 Please don't answer that! lol

 I think we all know of someone who fits this description............

I bet a woman wrote this... it just has that female ring to it..... 

...and this next one is for a friend of mine who is having a bit of bother with her male boss....

It paints a perfect picture of her empowerment the other day.... don't you think? ^_^ 

I am baring my all to all now.....Please STOP LAUGHING............

Well I think the word 'DISTURBED' happened after child 3 and the lack of sleep endured for just over 2 years. 

OH YEAH...........but I reserve my paw waving to the imagination for now, as such excited movement may cause injury! 

arrrhhh Life is GOOD!

So true........... I gave life to my 3 kids, and they have in turn given me so much. Giggles, stretch marks, dark circles under my eyes, hugs, scars, pro-lapsed uterus, LOVE, bad back, LOVE, a messy house, constant worry, an extra roll of tummy fat, deformed nipples, LAUGHS, the ability to function almost normally with less than 4 hours sleep, HUGS, a new appreciation for bed time, JOY, the gift of time management, A LIFE WORTH LIVING.

You can only live rent free for so long kiddo! 

This is me trying to mediate and empty my mind! Bahahahahaha..........

I may not blow the sheets sky high, but man since reaching my forties my FARTS certainly have found their voice. Why is that? Sometimes they seem to have more to say than I do!  At least they are loud and sometimes funny, unlike my hubby who's FARTS come with stealth and are silent and deadly.....I swear small insects have died.... We always know when mum has popped beans in the soup! lol 


I have my first NOM!

I have been placed in the list for .....................Insert Drum roll here........................


Well isn't that lovely.


It has put a big smile on my dial.

Mynx is there too. So if you want to have a peek, hit the link and pop over and see what a huge list they have there. Maybe you will find something you like?

This nomination hasn't really impressed the family though. My youngest boy summed it nicely in his school made Mother's DAY card.




Thursday, 16 May 2013

I'm back....sorry it's been a while. We have had a roller coaster  of a ride the last few days.

It all started on Friday.

Friday: Hubby's Birthday.

I was feeling the best I have felt in a while. So I went out after dropping the boys to school, and bought goodies for my man. The present he wants isn't available yet, so that was good, as money is tight, but I still was able to buy a cake, and pizza for dinner. His choice. I even took the daughter to work and picked her up. I was on top of the world.


Still doing fine. Got washing in off the line. Did the dishes. Big things after not being able to move without huge waves of pain. Then had a shower. Decided that 3 weeks of hair growth on legs was enough and shaved. Got to almost the end and was feeling a little wary. A few warning niggles so I backed off.

Then whilst getting dressed, and slipping on my jeans, I heard a CLUNK. Too late......


Sunday: Mother's day.

That was it. Two whole days, including Mother's day in bed, wincing every time I moved.

FANTASTIC. House inspection coming up, and due to be back at work and needed to be as all the sick pay and annual leave has been used up, and I am basically disabled.

Oh and our modem died as well. Hubby was so pleased.

Monday: Shit!

Got out of bed. My body clock all out as I can't sleep well, and so I read. Haven't eaten well, been too off on meds. So off to the loo as I realised I needed to number 2, and it had been a few days, so not good.

Well, not good was an understatement. 

One discovered, that pain meds can cause constipation, and I seemed to have the mother of all poops wanting to come out, and it wasn't going anywhere. Not up, or down. 

The huge pressure on the lower spine then caused a pinched nerve. The nerve caused me to loose feeling in my legs, all the way down to my toes.

Yep, there I was, un-showered since Saturday, sat on the loo, trying to poop, and no legs.

After about 20 mins, I called out to child 1 who was home thankfully. By this time I was in some pain, and scared out of my wits. I couldn't get up, as I feared falling, and I was too heavy  for her. Hubby was sleeping, he is still recovering from his back injury, so I didn't want to bother him, or have him risk his back for me. That is how we ended up like this in the first place!

So after some debate she decides to call the hospital for advice.
They send for the ambo's. 


Utterly mortified, I make my daughter brush my hair , fetch a clean nighty, and hand me a toothbrush.

The phone rings, it's work. It is the 4th missed call of the day. Kinda busy stuck on the loo!

The hospital calls my daughters mobile to say they are sending out the specialist instead, and it may take 40 mins hang in there.

I start weeping. My legs have become dead. I have cut off the blood supply from having sat there so  long. They burn. It is the only feeling I have. Still can't feel my feet.

I try my best to make sure my bottom area is clean, and realise I have strained so hard I have grown testicles.

By now, which was fast approaching an hour, hubby had woken to the commotion, "WHY DIDN'T YOU COME GET ME?" he barked.

Then he began in his matter of fact way to assess my rather embarrassing situation.

He decides there was no other way but to stand me up and get me back to bed.

So with me screaming, and holding on for dear life, shuffle by shuffle I made it back to bed and the blood began to pickle and tingle back through my dead legs.


I was feeling so much better already, I asked for the specialist to be cancelled. No need to be any more red faced after all. I muttered "I'm Sorry" about 100 times, and passed out.

Later after prunes, and yoghurt, and cereal, and lots of water, I was able to free myself from this horrid pressure in my bowl, and that enabled me to stand and walk about again, almost like a human.



Spent pottering and cleaning for the big House Inspection.
Hubby and all 3 kids doing the lions share this time, and then last minute back up from my angel Jenny.

Made a call about hubby's sickness claim, and was told it takes 49 days just to process. He will be back at work by then I hope, so what do we do for money between now and then?

Wednesday night:

To bed, must sleep, have to be up and beds made. Agent will be here between 9 am and 1 pm. 

SLEEP....SLEEP.... I said SLEEP..... but my brain had other ideas.


The inspection went well.

Child 3 wet the bed during the night so we had a pile of washing. He managed to pee through everything! So clean sheets, and shower at 3 am, and it's RAINING!

I just couldn't sleep last night. You know when you have to be up early and you have to sleep, and you just can't. Well that was me last night. I think I had managed about an hour before he woke us, and Hubby went off. He was feeling stressed about the inspection and money too. 

Sadly neither of us could get back to sleep after that. 

I fort it till around 5 am and then gave up and got up and did the dishes, and the few last min things. Hubby wasn't far behind. Can't beat them join them type of thing.

By 10 am I was beat, and she wasn't here yet, the agent, so I lay down and shut my eyes for a bit. I just nodded off when she rang the door bell. Back up.

After 20 mins, I was planning on getting back to bed. Sleepy and cold, and now hungry. But sleep beat food, so back to bed I went. Hubby had a dentist appointment at 11 am so I knew I would have the bed to myself, and the two cats for at least a good hour.

There was a mix up with the appointments and just as I was nodding off for the second time, he came home and got back into bed. Too late for me. I knew I had the date right. The lady wrote in on a card for me months ago. It is in my purse. Proof. 

So alert once more and now another thing to toss about the brain cells, and sleep evaporated again. 


So after  half an hour, I decided to let the man sleep in peace. Why should both of us be sleepless? I got up and had some lunch with my daughter and we tuned out the world and watched Breaking Dawn pt2. (Mother's Day pressy)

Now I am again feeling the Zzzz's creeping. I should fight it now, and just go to bed at the right time tonight. Hubby is yet to surface. He was really wiped out.

I am totally fried though, but I did make dinner tonight so progress on that front.

Friday, 10 May 2013

Friday Funny's..................

Just for a giggle to start the weekend off with a huge smile.

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I'm having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.

Shocked and surprised, he asks: “Then why did you eat him?”


I sent a text to my wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return."

I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car"

She text back,"OMG really?"

I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message."


There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and she told her grandmother about it.

Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that."

She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him do that.

Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."
With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.

The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the old lady said.

She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family."


Thursday, 9 May 2013

Just breathe..........

Just stop for 5 mins and breathe deeply with me.
Just breathe.
In and Out.

"May today be a day where love expands infinitely, your vibration goes higher, and magic and miracles abound!" 

“Time isn't precious at all, because it is an illusion. What you perceive as precious is not time but the one point that is out of time: the Now. That is precious indeed. The more you are focused on time—past and future—the more you miss the Now, the most precious thing there is.” ~Eckhart Tolle 

"We have an opportunity in this moment to go beyond all the conditioned thoughts of the world, our friends, our family and step into a world that WE create from the inside out. WE have an opportunity to heal from past wounds. Lessons in growth and beauty showing us how to become more of who we really are. WE have an opportunity to gain certainty that the future will be better than the past by living our Destiny that the world has for us. We have an opportunity to shine brightly, which will help to guide our Path as well as help others shine." ~ TotalTrinity

"Listen to me. You are beautiful. You with the muscles and the full body tats, you are beautiful. You with the skinny legs and the little breasts, you're beautiful. You with the long blonde hair, you're beautiful. You with no hair... guess what? You're beautiful, too. Hey, big girl with the big belly roll, you're beautiful. And you, with the silver hair and the smile lines. And you, with the smooth skin of a teenager. And you with the dark skin And you with the light skin and you with the scars of a lifetime of pain and you with no blemishes except the ones you hide inside of you. You are beautiful. You are all beautiful, and I love you." ~Beth Burnett

"Just stop for a minute and you'll realize you're happy just being. I think it's the pursuit that screws up happiness. If we drop the pursuit, it's right here." ~James Hillman

Oneness is sharing the Breath of Life with each other.

We are all part of the same whole.
We are all cells.... in the larger body of Humanity.

A Light at the center of the world,
that has been dormant, has now been rekindled....

Believe, this is the Light of Life itself....
Waking up remembering its divine purpose.