Tuesday, 30 July 2013

They say it comes in threes.............

Well I think I have reached the holy fuck limit! I know you are supposed to stroke the man's ego, and encourage them, love them unconditionally.... I think I do that pretty well, but this week has to take the cake for things that have gone wrong, that didn't need to go wrong, but did because the 'MAN' went ahead and did 'MAN' things without reading the instructions, or actually doing what 'His Woman' asked of him! BUT I AM SMILING!

Number 1: The SHOWER

Child 3 decided that playing with the wet silicon join of new installed shower cubical to the bath, would be an awesome idea. The nicely laid join line now looked like someone and stabbed and pulled it to death. Across the entire length, including deep holes. FUCK!

So after hubby goes off, I head to the local hardware shop, explain what happened, and hope like hell that he has something that will fix it.
I come home with a tube of white silicon, and two washers for the laundry taps which have been dripping and driving me bonkers. BIG HINT there!!

So hubby, now in hubby handyman mode heads in with naughty responsible child in tow to fix the shower. Seconds later he is back. 
"Where's the gun?"
"What gun?"
"The gun that this tube inserts into so that we can use it?"
"The man didn't give me a gun?"

"Well without it , I can't fix the bloody shower!"

"OH FUCK....great......"

Me....now driving back to hardware store swearing at the man who stood there , listened to my story, and gave me all that I needed to get the job done...NOT! It's cold, dark, raining, and I really just want to veg out in my slippers....Buy gun....come home...hand it to hubby...shower join now a thing of the past....OR SO I THOUGHT!

Hubby wasn't contented with just fixing the join line, nor was he interested in fixing the laundry taps. No, instead he decided that after 6 years of living here he would fix the broken cracked tiles in the shower, and seal the bath tub.

Now he did a good job. The bath tub looks great. The join line is better, but not as good as the professionals, but not the scary mess our 7 year old left us with. BUT..... you knew there would be a BUT......

I had bought white silicon. It was for the said join line. It dries WHITE. Somehow, from somewhere, hubby got it into his head that it would all dry clear. It was fast drying too. 2 hours. He was a bit messy here and there, but it was OK, because it dried CLEAR, and you wouldn't see it. Right?

NO...now I have green tiles mended, nicely mended....but with huge patches of WHITE...BRIGHT WHITE....silicon. It looks like someone vomited toothpaste in there.

It's OK, I bought some clear silicon, and hubby said he will remove all the white stuff and re-do it.....question is WHEN?? 


Hubby has an android type tablet. It isn't as flashy as the iPad, but it is OK. I have 1 app on it...eBooks. You can download novels for free, and I have heaps, and I was currently enjoying my latest novel, half way through 'Entwined....book #3 of the Crossfire series'. 
The past week the battery life has been really poor. It dies very quick, and seemed to be always needing charging. So Hubby basically has had it plugged in almost all the time. (I have only been reading for the last 2 days, as hubby comes attached to said tablet, maybe 3 hours of usage OK. Just wanted to point that out.)

This afternoon, he went to use it. He was the last to use it by the way. It still sat exactly where he left it on the coffee table.  It wouldn't come on. I actually think there is something wrong with the charger itself, and not the tablet, as Miss can turn it on by holding down the power button, but it needs charging. Any way...so of course WE BROKE IT. Collective WE, probably Child 3, but even though he played angry birds last night, he did not touch it this afternoon, and it was working last night, and it was working this morning when hubby was using it, and it was exactly where he left it! BUT NO, he couldn't have broken it... WE DID.

Much like the virus on the computer that of course was caused by me playing FARM VILLE. 39,328,917 people play farmville all over the world. Do you 

really think that a game that caused viruses would be that popular? 

After running a scan with our anti-virus software I discovered the said virus 

was indeed in a document folder with his name on it. NOT ME!  

I rest my case.......

Number 3: MY iPOD.

I had planed tonight to make up a music USB, for the car, as the the one I got before hubby just transferred all his favourite things, and it was decided that we would have our own, as we both do have similar tastes, but I we both also like different things too, which is OK. My idea. 

Hubby now at work, and boys to bed, I can sit here and open my itunes library and transfer all my music to my new USB, matching colour of car too by the way. Easy right?

You'd think...........NO!

Firstly I had to locate my iPod  it was in hubby's hobby room...FLAT...did I also tell you it was my 40th birthday present, and it has mostly his music on it, as he uses it more than I do....

So I hunt down the cable that plugs into the computer and set about charging the iPod, and looking through my library of music.

BUT....what I discover is that the only music in the library is the music that hubby has on his USB, and all my music is gone. It is still on the bloody iPod, but not in my Library, and thus can not be transferred on anywhere, nor can I listen to it on the computer either!

He must have sync it, and wiped it, or heavens knows what, as you can do things easy, and if you don't read it carefully delete things without realising.

So this is where I am right now. Sat here trying to hold in the utter frustrations for modern gizmo's  and hubby's who mean well, but make things more complicated and expensive, than it all needs to be!

I can't go off at the man...he didn't mean to do it...the shower was a lovely thing to do, despite the fact our landlord doesn't deserve it, but what would have made me super happy was just fixing child 3's handy work of artistic expression, and stopping the taps from dripping. REALLY, that's all.

At least one thing did go right this week. We did get our connection. It was almost killed dead by child 1 coming home early from a movie night out, but after a quick note secretly shoved under the loo door, asking her to go to bed straight after 'TRUE BLOOD', then an hour or so after that to make sure she was asleep, which she wasn't so it took longer...but eventually...in the wee hours of Sunday morning.....TOUCH DOWN. 

Such an odd week of flowers, which we do not do...fixing things...which hubby really doesn't enjoy doing...and honest truths about how I am feeling put out there without any holding back... I think it may have made him stop and think a little...maybe??

Now that I have expressed...I shall try and nut out if there is any hope for my itunes library music being restored? Then on my to do list is getting out TAX sorted, and shopping for either a new charger for the tablet, or a new tablet. My plans for curling up with my book later tonight are now shot, and until I can either download it again, or locate a hard copy from the library.... I don't want to buy it, it isn't a keeper.... I shall have to wait. I was half way through and it was getting really good too! 

Hubby is already watching endless reviews of tablets on youtube! Is it just me, or do you find that kind of thing BORING. I just care about how much it is, and if I can do what I want on it. All the extra this and that do not appeal to me, as I NEVER use  it. Computer jargon is all gobble goop to me.

There I shall leave you with that OLD FART mentality. 
Have a good week...wish me luck...I have a feeling I am going to need it.

Wednesday, 24 July 2013

My flowers.......

Last night at around 11 pm I decided to bake a cake. Banana cake. Without a cake mix. Just out of my head. The kitchen smelled amazing, but alas I must have got the measurements wrong, and the cake remained gooey and sticky in the middle so it went to die in the bin. BANG...I am sure I could have killed someone with the weight of that thing!

But I didn't give up, with the help of goggle, I found a good recipe, and back to work I went. 

I wasn't going to be sleeping any time soon, so what the hell! I was not going to let that cake beat me.

I would have added a picture, but between the kids and a lovely morning tea with a lovely artist this morning, more of that later, it is all gone. It was OK, the cake that is, not the artist, but not one of my best. 

Yesterday I vented over my relationship, and it did make me feel better, but I also realised that it wasn't really going to fix anything unless I actually communicated my feelings to the person who needed to hear it. HUBBY.

I was straight to the point, and did not mince my meaning or words. There was no way he would not understand what I was feeling, needing, and wanting.

So last night, while I sat up waiting for what seemed a life time for the cake to cook, Hubby came home from work and without gushy fan fair thrust these flowers at me. I could see he was amused, as I teased him about getting the shop flowers they were throwing out. Freebies, but who cares, he actually picked some up, and thought of me. 

Now this takes flowers from hubby, in our 26 years together to 4. I don't need flowers, or rings, or dinners out. I am not that kind of woman. I am pretty low maintenance, compared to my peers. But I was chuffed, he actually considered this gesture, and aren't they just pretty.

Then this morning, when I was just about to leave for my morning tea date with the lovely Mynx. A date fixed weeks ago. Hubby rises from his slumber, and was planing to hang out with me. Well I had asked for more 'US' time.

AWESOME....But I had plans, and she was expecting me, and besides he needed to sleep!

So I went, had a lovely time. Female bonding is always good for the soul. Was introduced to Victorian donuts, and got to see the lovely art work up close and personal. They always look better in real life. She is one talented, and wise woman. 

I wasn't gone long, as Mynx had to go to work, but he waited up for me, and we chatted the rest of the day.  We had lunch together, and it was really nice. But alas no afternoon delight, but I can see he is trying to give me balance.

Timing out, but definitely nice. We laughed a lot today. That is always good.

I felt sorry for him as he left for work tonight. I could see how dog tired he was from lack of sleep. I understand it too, I have done the same thing for him too. Staying up later than I should just to spend time with him. I wish he had rested while I was out though. Miss worry wart again.

Routine. Balance. Connection. Communication. I think we are headed in the right direct at least. 

Feeling much better, I had a burst of cleaning tonight, and tidied up the boys room, and threw on an extra blanket on the bed...bloody freezing at the moment here. Then I gave Miss no option but to clean her room. 40 mins later, with some mummy love, and direction she now has a clean functioning room. Honestly people with A.D.H.D get way to distracted to stay on task at anything. She was just flinting to this and that, and shuffling things about but not actually sorting it out, well not from what anyone from the outside looking in could see anyway. She states things differently, but the results speak for themselves. But it is clean now, and that should make hubby very happy. I am happy. I hated walking past that room each day.

So hubby has the night off work tomorrow. I am now at the start of my big week, so no more super late nights for me. So maybe we may just get an early night together? I am hoping, we will see, wont count my chickens just yet. For now I know that he knows, and he is making a huge effort to re-connect with me.  

So we will just wait and see what happens next?

Tuesday, 23 July 2013

A funny to make up for my last ranting dribble......

What Starts with F and ends with K????

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Trevor, what's your problem?'
Trevor answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!'
Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Trevor to the principal's office.
While Trevor waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. 
Trevor was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: 'What is 3 x 3?'
Trevor : '9.'
Principal: 'What is 6 x 6?'
Trevor : '36.'
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know. 
The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Trevor can go to the 3rd grade.'
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, 'Let me ask him some questions.'
The principal and Trevor both agreed.
Ms.. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?'
Trevor, after a moment: 'Legs.'
Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?'
The principal wondered why would she ask such a question!
Trevor replied: 'Pockets.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a dog do that a man steps into?'
Trevor : 'Pants.'
Ms. Brooks: What starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?'
Trevor: 'Coconut.'
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open. 
Ms. Brooks: 'What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?' 
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Trevor replied, 'Bubble gum.'
Ms. Brooks: 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs?'
Trevor : 'Shake hands.'
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: 'What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means a lot of heat and excitement?'
Trevor : 'Firetruck.'
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, 'Put Trevor in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong.....

It's still raining..........

Another night with almost no peaceful sleep. This is starting to get ridiculous.
Alarm went off, and I felt as though I had only just reached a good relaxed dream state. 

As I forced myself out of bed, noticing hubby was still not in bed, I mentally decided that I would just go back to bed when I got back from the school run. I have no where to be. House is clean, cold and wet outside. Bed seems like the intelligent choice based on my current lack of bedtime hours.

I had waited up for my man last night. I thought we could hang out an hour or so. We haven't seen much of each other on account of him sleeping all bloody day. Our electricity bill is something I am not looking forward to! At around 11 pm Miss put herself to bed, and I lit some candles, and stayed busy on the computer. 24 hour news channel on in the background, updating me by the min on the impending royal birth. Honestly she is a woman having a baby. 1000's of women had a baby the same day. The reporters had nothing to tell, they just dribbled crap. Everyone waiting outside the hospital....what did they hope for, a Michael Jackson type hang the newborn out the hospital window??? She had a boy I was informed this morning. Well that's lovely. It hasn't changed my life one bit.

So at 1 am I sent a text message... "ARE YOU OK?"

Turns out he was doing overtime. Boss was short, and the load was huge. Awesome, a quick text to let me know perhaps? Nope, low on credit, too busy. I get it. I have worked that job too. You don't often get the chance. Besides I was supposed to be asleep right!

So that instantly put be in a flustered state. Too alert to sleep, way to late to stay up. 

So I went to bed, and tried to sleep. Hubby got in just after 2 am. I had managed to drift off, but his grand entrance into our room to find his PJ's and hug boots, brought me back to life.

He was beat. It was late, and with a quick peck on the head he was gone. Night!

So I lay there......THINKING........TURNING.......and forcing myself to sleep. It was almost 3:30 am when I last looked at the clock.

So, I get up, wake the boys, school today, and find myself annoyed that hubby isn't in bed. His turn to pick up the boys from school. I am not supposed to do it. ROUTINE and all that. I find him at the computer playing his aeroplane game. REALLY? 7:30 am, and he is playing JETS!

"Why are you still up?" I asked trying not to sound annoyed, but I am over tired, and no cuppa had, so it may have come out a bit hard.

"I am having FUN!"

FUN. He is having FUN, while I am slowly going insane. Well at least someone is happy.

So I said in passing conversation that I was very tired still, and would be going back to bed.

Well hubby didn't like that. HE NEEDED TO SLEEP,he has work tonight and must be rested. I could just sleep on the lounge. (Awesome for someone with my type of back, the last place I should sleep. Thanks Honey.)

"Why are you not sleeping?" he asks  as if he doesn't already know. As if the last 4 times he has asked that same question, my answer would be different.

I am not amused now, as you can probably imagine.

I wanted to SCREAM......BECAUSE I HAVEN'T HAD SEX IN OVER 3 MONTHS! BECAUSE MY HUSBAND IS PLAYING COMPUTER GAMES ALL NIGHT AND NO LONGER SEEMS TO HAVE ANY INTEREST IN ME OR MY NEEDS, WANTS, DESIRES. FUCK your book on WHY WOMEN WANT SEX...............YOUR WOMAN WANTS SEX. (oh yes, did I tell you that, his latest E-book, apparently it is really interesting!) I am tearing my hair out people.

26 years we have been together and I AM STILL THE SAME HORNY PERSON. I need sex. I like sex. I would like sex at least once a week. More, but once is fine. 3 MONTHS! He is the man, the one who is supposed to be bugging me for it. I am the one who is suppose to say "Not tonight dear I have a headache" There must be something wrong with me?

I know that in that 3 months I too have not wanted sex. Let's be fair. Pain, drugs, illness. It all has taken it's toll. It's been a rough few months.

But things are better now, aren't they? He can wank to porn, so it's working right?

I just HATE this. 

He asks so much of me. I try so hard to PLEASE him. Cook things he really likes. Try and keep the house nice. Accommodate his every mood, want, and desire. BUT WHAT ABOUT ME? I feel the world is about to end, and all I want is to hold him tight, give him my all, and he wants to play PLANES!

Can't he see that I am not happy any more. He can, that is why he is snappy at me. I am a bitchy witch. "I don't deserve that tone woman!"

I know this is just a build up of sexual tension. EASY FIX. Just add one loving man, hey presto!

So I sit here ALONE, COLD, TIRED, and PISSED OFF. I want to go to bed. I want to feel my man's arms around me. Smell him. But I dare not go there, I do not want a fight. I do not want to add rejection to my pain and misery.

I swear if the shoe was on the other foot, he'd be having an affair, or worse, plotting to leave me!

See, now all the nonsense thinking is creepy in. Next I'll be crying for no reason, and hating myself for being fat, and old, and not 20 any more!

 I could be getting our Tax stuff together. Yeah I do it. I do all that sort of thing. Hubby wouldn't even know what to give the accountant. I pay the bills, do the shopping, read the kids notes, LISTEN to EVERYONE.....WORK. That's me practical me. To be fair, I like doing it. He hates it. I just resent it now at this moment because I can't go to bed, and I know that sex today WILL NOT HAPPEN.  

BUT I better not put shit on him, because I AM LUCKY TO HAVE HIM, and should thank my lucky stars everyday. 

WELL MATE, I do. I am lucky to have you. The only EVER time we have a problem in our RELATIONSHIP is when you FORGET about US/ ME!

There is never a time to even talk about it. KIDS are always here, there, EVERYWHERE. 

But I can see now I have to stop talking to myself, and actually sit him down and spell it out, without emotional crap. Men just don't like that. I do try not to cry, but it just happens. It's not blackmail, it's just how I feel. The words come out like a bad soap drama, and all that's missing is the tense music.

I do not want to live in a sexless marriage. I still feel young, and I am not ready to just stop.

BALANCE. I can cope with EVERYTHING, good, bad, ugly, as long as I have his total LOVE. And that means ALL of it, not just the hugs, and the man about the house, but ALL of it, all of HIM too. I do not want to be the bad guy all the time.

Is that so unreasonable?

Monday, 22 July 2013

Back to school, and hopefully back to me........

Well as I sit here at 9.54 pm, I am peacefully aware that I have the house clean and quiet, and almost all to myself. Amazing what I can do when hubby is at work. The kids did all pitch in and in 25 mins we had the place licked.

Miss had her first day at TAFE today, and it seems she had a really good day and made some friends already. She is the youngest in her class. But that isn't an issue. She is studying for her CHILD CARE Certificate. Over the past 18 months we have watched her go from one extreme idea to the other. Uni just wasn't the right place for her. This time hubby and I decided to sit down and really nut out what she might actually be good at, and where her strengths lie.

It was OK after school to try out a few different things. She was only 17 1/2, Still young to have year 12 under her belt. So she had youth on her side. But now at 19 she needs to stop mucking about and stick to a career choice. This one she would really be good at. She is great with kids.

Back to school for our boys in the morning. Back to the morning drop off's and lunch boxes, homework, and uniforms. As much as I love having the place to myself during the day, no extra mess, and chatter, I do enjoy the relaxed starts to the day. But hey we can't have it all, and I am happy to have them back, and already we are back on track to routine. But I will miss the PJ days.

Tonight  I had the boys in bed by 8.25 pm. Dishes done, games packed away, carpet vac, lunch boxes done, school bags packed...just sandwiches to be made, uniforms laid out, and I was free to enjoy an incense stick and hot cup of chai tea.  Bliss. Just have to get the big one to bed, but at age 19 she is a bit too big to be told to brush her teeth and get tucked in.

Last night I was restless. The evening was nice. We watched yet another delightful movie. "RUBY SPARKS" . Sweet quirky, romance flick, the night before was a zombie flick called "WARM BODIES". Another sweet movie. Both worth a look at.

Love, love, sweet romance. It is haunting me. It follows me everywhere mocking me. 

I was watching a young couple shopping today and I remembered our newly married days when we still shopped together. Hubby was pushing the trolley, and I had my arm linked in his. Oh happy days. I stopped and let go to pick up something a little way down the aisle , I honestly don't remember what it was, just something that caught my eye, but I was so lost in my own bubble of happy, I popped it back on the shelf, and I continued to walk and chat to my hubby wrapping my arm sweetly around his, leaning in like you do when you are newly married and still in honeymoon faze.

After almost reaching the end of the aisle, and hubby hadn't answered any of my babbling, I repeated the last one and looked up with "so what do you think, BBQ for dinner, or pasta?"

To my utter horror, I looked up into the face of another man. Yes, my hubby was still back at the other end of the aisle laughing his head off, and this other somewhat slightly older version of my hubby was very amused by my sudden throws of affection, and played along thinking how long will it take her to figure it out? He said "it wasn't everyday a young lady grab his arm and sweetly. THANK YOU, but don't tell the wife!" I was beetroot red. Hubby teased me for ages about that one.

All this romance is just making me ache more. I was an utter sarcastic bitch last night. Hubby is aware of my need, and I kind of think he is finding it all a bit amusing, which only makes me want to hit him. But I couldn't sleep. The four cups of ginger tea before bed didn't help either, but manly I have reached the point where I am just in need of physical relief. Masturbation is not cutting it any more. I need my man, and I need him now, and I want him to come to me. Take me, have me, want me, devour me..... JUST GGGGAAAAARRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

I have two day off this week. Then I am back at work for the next 6. The kids are all back at school. He has a choice now. Empty house, he can go to bed early, wake up earlier, and we can have an afternoon naughty, or I can go on line and start looking into female toys, and replace him? Not sure if that will really help?? I need him. I miss us. 

It's still cold and rainy here. Not much fun being out doors at all. Perfect weather for snuggling up in bed. Maybe I just might do that. Drop the boys off and get back into bed??? But rejection will sting, so that move is a big gamble. 

So fingers crossed he feels a bit frisky, and puts me out of my hysterical misery. LOL

Have a good week. 

Sunday, 21 July 2013


Well dinner the other night went down well. Not only had I fussed and cleaned and made a roasted lunch for my dear family the other day....you know when I was in my domestic goddess faze....but I'd also went off to work, happy and at peace that I had reclaimed some of my womanhood. 

I had cleaned....tidied.....washed....cooked...and SHAVED MY LEGS!

My first born was not seen before I left for work at 4.30 pm. My hubby had gotten out of bed at 4 pm. 

Instructions given......

 "I made lunch. It's a roast, you'll need to cook a light dinner later, the boys have eaten lunch with me. Yours and miss sleepy heads are there for you when ready. I'll eat dinner when I get home. Have the boys in bed no later than 9 pm. Love you bye!"

Work was OK. Usual mix for lovely and rotten customers. I didn't park around the back, but I did park a bit further away. That issue is not resolved, but the safety lady did raise it at the meeting. Management feel that we are lucky at  all to have a space to park, when other stores have to park down side streets, so why are we complaining? She said that she had not said it was me, but they had said that is I was that worried I could park close when I arrive, but must move the car in my break. So I then said to our safety officer member, I don't get a break, as I only do 4 hour shifts! So I guess I can keep it there?? This isn't really over yet, but I will keep looking for a compromise.

When I got home at 10 pm, the house was alive. Laughing kids, laughing hubby, all sat around watching a movie....just picture perfect. Right? Well no not really. House a mess, my lovely roast sat on the kitchen bench top, in a plate, uneaten? Me pretty hungry by now...

"Why is the plate on the bench and not in the fridge?"

"Oh that's mine, I didn't realise dad had dished it for me" came miss sleepy head voice.

"What did you have to eat then?" asked I wondering what had caused the a mass of mugs, and plates about the place.

"I made toasties"

SHE MADE TOASTIES! (That is bread and cheese made in a sandwich press.)

ME: "So why is the plate on the bench?"

Miss sleepy: "I didn't know it was mine"

ME: "How long has it been there?"

Hubby: "I dished it after you left, I ate mine, and got her out of bed!"

Me: "So 5 hours ago! No one thought to cover it and put it in the fridge? Maybe I could of eaten it for my dinner? So what did you all have for dinner?"

Hubby: "We all had whatever...bla bla..." as he told me of the various tinned food our children and himself consumed. 

Me: "Fine, that's great....why do I bother!"

"Oh shut up woman, we are watching a movie....don't come home and start griping..." 

OK, so let's not make a huge deal out of this....after all I was tired , hungry, sexually frustrated, and was staring at really yummy meal now totally wasted. I violently tossed it in the bin. NOT HAPPY JAN.

I made some eggs...the boys wanted some too, still hungry, just what I need when I just want to sit back unwind and chill before going to bed and doing the whole work thing again early in the morning.

By 11:30 the boys were in bed, miss moo, was up and wide awake despite the fact that she had a 6 am shift in the morning....and I was tired...grumpy...and really frustrated.

Not a good combo........

Turns out hubby wasn't much happier. The next day, the children had been really bad, fighting, and mess from one end to the other. Miss sleepy's room was insane, and her crap had infected the house as well as her attitude. It really hard to adjust to someone when they have been pretty much not living with you for 12 months. She has become very different. We don't really like it. 

Hubby in a black mood, and I am doing my best all is OK face, when hubby discovered what child 3 had done to the new shower.....

It seemed that the freshly laid silicon that joins the bath to the shower, was too much of a temptation for bored little fingers. 

That was it.............the cherry.................DADDY told us all to sit down and a family discussion was going to be had.

RIOT ACT given, and for me that meant if I so much as tried to defend them, I could join them and he would find somewhere else to live. The divorce word used for a more meaningful effect. It was hard, but I understood why and where he was coming from. Although I didn't like being placed on the outter and given a choice...me or them? REALLY!

 I felt the same anger  towards OUR children, but I would not have put it in the same way, and I would not have given him the whole with me or against me crap. So I guess my martial fate ins in the hands of my 3 kids!

He was in a bad mood. He loves us a lot, but he is not someone to push too far. He has two settings, good, and sledge hammer, thankfully he is mostly good. But when you push him too far, which is what the kids had done over the last 6 months...well EVERY BODY BE WARNED he takes no prisoners. So all four of us where in tears.

Miss Sleepy has been given 1 week to sort out her shit or she can move out. The boys where told something similar, and  all child's 3 pocket money taken to pay for the damage he has caused.

The boys also had broken their cupboard door a few days earlier. Fighting and not ever closing the bloody thing....the hinge needs fixing. Hubby now has a list of DIY to do, and he isn't the DIY type of guy. I would call my handy man in, but we are still trying to catch up from our 8 weeks of no pay.  He has  also not been getting enough sleep, which doesn't help. Going to bed at 8 am in the morning and having 2 boys playing at home all day while I am at work really doesn't give you a peaceful sleep.

But the fear did have the right effect and all 3 kids got up from there selfish worlds and washed dishes, and started cleaning their rooms, and the lounge room. Child 3 went to bed right after dinner too. He was in deep shit. 

The next few days have been an improvement, but still Miss sleepy head's room still looks bad. She spent 4 hours in there yesterday and this morning it doesn't seem much better. WHAT IS SHE DOING IN THERE? I want to head in there and tidy up a bit myself. But I know this will only make hubby mad at me. She has to do it herself, but I have no idea why it has to take so long? It is almost like she shifts the clothes around and around and not actually picking them up and popping them away.  How she sleeps in that bed who knows?

So we are again at Sunday. Miss is at work, we did shopping yesterday when I picked her up from work, and we also stopped by the hardware shop to buy a tube of silicon so we can mend the shower before the agent sees it. KIDS!

I have toys all around me, it's cold, and even I am BORED silly. Hubby got up, but has gone back to bed as he couldn't sleep well. 

We had a movie night last night, it was really nice. Miss was cleaning her room, and the boys went to bed. But still no bedroom romance. I can feel that ugly monster starting to rise up inside me. My patience is thin, and I am snapping, and grumpy. 

School next week for all 3! Work for us too, but I am hoping and praying that with the set routine, we will all fall into a better pattern of living together. I really do believe that is the key.

Hubby will have to go to bed earlier, as he will be picking the boys up from school. Sleeping during the day will be better as he will be in a quiet empty house. Rested, and again in control, maybe he will find that balance he needs too, and come back to me.

As for me, even though I understand why he is the way he is, and I can empathise, and also relate, I can not stand this sexless marriage any more. 

I love him with all my soul, but between you and me, if I do not get some loving soon, things are not going to be good. Lucky for him I LOVE HIM, and I am very patient, but how much can a koala bear? 

Now I will go and make dinner. Pasta tonight, and wash up the dishes. I have already done a load of laundry. Hopefully tonight will be better.

Thursday, 18 July 2013

Housewife goddess........

Still having really strange dreams...not sure what that is all about?? Yesterday I had the worse night. Twice I woke up having bad dreams, and the covers almost on the floor, had to pee 3 times....and my body ached all over....Not sure what the bloody hells going on? 

But despite the crazy cats and windy weather we are having today, I have tackled the washing and prepared the Chinese laundry in our lounge room, got a poor man's roast on with baked potatoes, and even coloured my hair. So has that ticked some of the boxes for a 1950's house wife? Let's see...... The kids are alive...dinner will be on the table.....washing done......and I will look younger when my hubby walks in. Yep sounds good to me....LOL

The only thing is when he walks in I will be walking out to go to work! Then it is his turn to be my 1950's house wife........... 

Happy to report my mojo is back, and I am now craving romantic time with my man. I have asked him to take me out on that date he promised over 12 weeks ago. You know the Tom cruise movie date, when he did his back in! Well I think we are ready to try again. He is feeling better too, as he told me that he has it working again. Maybe that is why I have come back to life? Interesting how I went out in sympathy. But he is getting off, and I am getting off, we just are not getting off together, and that in my book is a problem.

Now that child 1 is back home we do not get ANY ALONE time any more.  We are surrounded by kids. ALWAYS. If it is not kids, then one of us is asleep, or at work. Or we have to drive out soon to pick up one from work. KIDS KIDS KIDS......

I can feel my happy hormones screaming out the door. I have baked, and cleaned, and shopped, and dusted, and treated, and now I am wanting something more in return. Something that makes me feel good, wanted and not just a partner in the house chores. I want to feel like a woman. A loved, wanted, very satisfied woman. Bloody kids! Hubby wont even consider a night away. He hates new places. Not that we can even afford such things, and let's face it I would worry myself silly about the kids, and so will he, so it wouldn't be fun anyway.

 It also feels odd having sex next door to our daughter who up until recently was sexually active herself. We would always wait till she was staying at D house, before the back incident. It just felt freer, safer even. Should she hear something, despite my effforts to keep quiet, well she will definately guess, and that is just eweee....I am scared that this may now be a new excuse not to go there...It has been a very long time since we have been very intimate together. At this rate I fear I may have re-grown my 'Hyman'! lol

Any way I best go wash out this hair dye, and hang the washing. Dinner is smelling good. The weather is still blowing a gale.

OK shower had, and hair looks amazing.............. I miss the days when hubby would do it for me. It was sweet, and nice, and our time together. We have so little of that now.

Off to work in just over an hour, and child 1 and hubby are still fast asleep! It is 3 pm in the afternoon.  Perfect day for it really. I guess that means another evening with all the children when I get home. The boys will still be playing as daddy is cool and it is school holidays. Child 1 will not be sleepy at all, and will grace us with her presence, laptop, phone, and Book...Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, ready on hand. It is "TOO COLD IN MY ROOM".... At least they have dinner done. I on the other hand am loving my freshly coloured hair, and wait for it....................SHAVED LEGS! It has only been three months! So I have nice grey free hair, shaved smoothed legs, and waxed eyebrows to match. Now if only my man will notice we might be on to something good????

Have a wonderful Thursday, I am hanging for 2 pm Friday when I can officially start my weekend off.... I need it.

Tuesday, 16 July 2013

Woe to housework!

Parents do not spend enough quality time with their children......
Parents should not make their children do house work..............
Parents should make their children do house work..........

Advice...advice...advice....experts....constantly on the telly to guilt in parents of the world into thinking they are raising their children into social monsters.

I sometimes wonder if these so call child know it alls actually have KIDS?

To tell you the truth I am over it. Our kids are responsible for 95% of the crap in this place on a daily bases. They leave their stuff where ever it falls, and their toys all over the place. Dirty dishes, hot chocolate mugs, and now we even can add laptops, phone chargers, and video games.

Each day it is a daily tread through a mine field of tiny bits of Lego. They sneak up on you, jumping out when you least suspect it and attack without care or thought to your unsuspecting feet. This in turn causes you to shout out very strong expletives, such as OH GOSH DARN IT...... Yeah right!

Kids today are just SOFT! They really don't measure up to us at the same age. Last night I did six push ups. Yep, pretty proud about that. In fact I have been getting stronger, and can now do my own socks and shoes...2 days running...you have no idea how good that feels.

But I am moving off subject.... yes that's right 6 push ups. My boys can not even do 1 properly. 10 years old, and 7 years old... SOFT!

So if they can't muster the strength for that, how can you except them to be up for a good old fashioned house cleaning..... it is way too hard....poor darlings......TOUGH! 

 I think we have overwhelmed them with EVERYTHING! When I was little, we just did things. We had plenty of time to play, and go exploring, but your bed had to be made. You helped out about the house, and not for pocket money either, and I never ever had a bedroom in a state the way my kids do! 

I guess having a stay at home mum did help. I now can see she must have done a lot while I was at school. I am the youngest of 5, and our house was never super untidy. Occasionally cluttered, but our toys where packed up after play, and our bedrooms where always neat.

The media tries to make us mums feel like failures. Showing us pictures of clean children, with super clean mothers, in slim clothes, smiling , always smiling...these super human women who can cook, clean, play with the kids, hold down a full tome job, and still be rested enough to blow their husband when he gets home! Oh do FUCK OFF!

We are fed bullshit images like this....

 ...and this....

...isn't this just so sweet and lovely...

But the reality is more like this....

 Yep nothing like coming home from a long day at work and finding yourself smiling at the thought of tackling all this!

Don't forget  that you did all this the day before. Somehow the dirty washing had sex in the basket while you were busy doing dishes, and look at what they bred! It is just what you always imaged marriage and children to be like isn't it!

 You just want to do this sometimes and pretend it isn't really there...

...yes you do, admit it...we have all been tempted on occasion to just shut the door and walk away. But the horror of discovering that it is all still there the next time someone opens the door just makes you want to run away...

 Ahhh yes.....best 12 seconds of my life.......

We all do it. The last of the washing hung. Stand back and sigh a satisfied sigh. BLISS!

But while you where outside the loveable children you and hubby thought would be an awesome idea to have have created this......


Now the experts would say that I should have been playing games with them, or crafting some kind of educational science project....The life cycle of a broad bean or something...........

Truth is, kids are messy little shits....we love them..we love them to bits, but you can't be at the ready with a dust pan and brush to catch every crumb...you can't yell at them for building a fort house out of ALL their bed linen...just off their bed...you so carefully made the day before with clean sheets.....
THEY ARE KIDS. Let them be KIDS.

But at the end of the day, when you can no longer see the floor through the toys....then I have no problem in ordering some child labour!

In fact that is exactly what I did last night. 2 hours of solid, cleaning. Oh yes my children LOVED IT...mind you in the time it took me to clean the bathroom, the loo, our bedroom, the boys bedroom floor, and hall way, do a load of laundry, hang it, wipe dishes to make room for the rest of the dishes the kids were doing, clean the kitchen floor...stove top, and empty the bins  and take a shower...my kids still had sorting of 4 toy boxes to do which were all over the lounge room floor! 

By 9.30 pm, order was restored. BLISS....

Life is short....HOUSEWORK is honestly never done....But your kids are just kids for a short while....

You have to let the kids be kids, but you also have to teach them responsibility and not to treat you like some kind of personal slave. But don't be sucked in by the perfect TV families. NO BODY LOVES HOUSEWORK...least of all children.

They will complain, and spontaneously develop sore limbs, broken legs, and fatal illness. They will bitch and fight, and stop and play, stand there not doing anything.

You will shout, warn, bribe, threaten, and try all manner of positive motivation.  But in the end, you will do most, and they will not get out of it, and afterwards we all have a sense of relief. 

They wont hate you, and soon you will be snuggled up watching a movie you have seen 100 times, or at least listened to 100 times,but it will be OK. You are way too tired to move... your house is clean, it smells clean, the kids are washed and clean and they smell delightful.... 

and tomorrow you will do it all again.......

But not I... it can wait...for today I have other plans.... shopping...kids clothes shopping because last night I discovered that they have grown, and nothing fits, and what does is stained with paint, or food...or who knows...best not go there???? 

Shopping with CHILDREN in the SCHOOL HOLIDAYS.....well that is a whole other story now isn't it......