Monday, 20 May 2013

Let's talk about SEX!

Sex, sex, sex..............

Have you ever been so horny that you almost turn into a mega irritable BITCH?

Well maybe that's just me?

But I'd say no, it's not just me or else we wouldn't have had HYSTERIA listed as a medical illness not so long ago in our history! 

Now how funny would that be now, just picture it, going to the doctors so that he could masturbate you till you had ORGASMIC relief! 

But at least the invention of the vibrator came out of that, and aren't we all pleased about that?? SOMETHING JUST FOR US that isn't meant for cooking and cleaning!!

So glad women of today are much more informed and have a better knowledge of the function of the CLITORIS.

I read about a survey on waxing...well waxing down know going the full Monty on your girl bits. I am happy to report that most men actually like a bit of hair there! Neat, not over the top bush, we don't want a jungle, but definitely a plus for the sexy turn on factor! THANK BLOODY HEAVENS.

I never did understand the crazy trend to want to turn your womanly features into pre-pubescent skinned rabbit looking things. Not to mention how much having a FULL XXX WAX would HURT! I have always wondered about the itch factor of growing the hair back too. Don't you just hate the itchy bikini line? Once those nicely shaped pubes start making a come back, it's just prickle city! To think of that all over could almost make me weep.

But it isn't always about the masturbated orgasm is it?  Sometimes even that isn't enough. I wonder if that is why gay women sometimes come across as very bitchy, or cranky? Gay men always seem well GAY, as in HAPPY, but I can not say the same for all gay women in my day to day exposure. I have had a few gay work friends both male and female, so I am not just rambling, it is just pure observation. Or may be it's just the vegetarian factor, who knows? 

I can only speak from personal experience that there are times when only a good ROMP will do the trick. Really. There is something almost chemical about it. I feel well after wards. I look younger. I am balanced. It never fails to amaze hubby, even after all these years. What can I say he must have healing spunk? Or Maybe it's just me?? No I really think it is a hormonal chemical exchange and for some unknown reason it fixes whatever emotional unbalance I have, INSTANTLY. Well multi-orgasms are pretty awesome too.

Too much? No don't cringe. Don't be afraid. It's 2013 and we still are red faced about SEX?

It's normal. It's healthy, and for a loving couple it is darn right important.

     I watched a program on the ABC channel recently called "7 Days Of Sex". Basically two couples, who's sex lives had hit a real low, agree to an experiment to see if having sex for 7 days in a row will bond them or break them.

Now when the male partners all tell their mates that they are doing this, he almost becomes a figure of complete ore and wonder. As if he has hit the holy grail. That lucky bastard, he gets a guaranteed romp for 7 days! Slap on back please................The women usually cringe. WHY?

What I found most interesting is the women also want more loving sex, but are needing their husbands to understand why they may be choosing to sleep rather than YEAH BABY!

It isn't always played out in that fashion either, sometimes it's the women utterly frustrated with their once upon a time Romeo's who has now become sir-work-a-lot, or just another child to mother in the house. 

What I liked is how over the course of the week, the couples each have days were their wishes need to be addressed, and this seems to always open the doors to communication, and BINGO, all of a sudden, the fireworks start happening.

So what have we learned thus far????

  1. Communication is key to any good relationship.
  2. Honesty. 
  3. Trust.
  4. Respect.
  5. Friendship
  6. LOVE.

This this really all we need as the base for any good relationship? Is it really that simple?

Well I think it's a good start. For without these six ingredients, your cake will not rise, and the base will burn. That is a given.

So the couples are for a better word forced to get it on. Day 1 usually has the man very happy, but  the women are more, how shall we say, not quite there yet!

I shake my head and just want to scream. Scream at them both. 

"Hey mate, maybe if you help about the house, and with the kids, or made dinner, or gave a general flying fuck about your wife, she would be more accommodating in the bedroom! Doing the dishes or cooking dinner for your woman who may be really tired after working too is classed in most women's minds as a type of FOREPLAY. Also for fuck sake GO DOWN SOUTH!"

"Hey lady, if you were not such a bitch factor 2000, and asked for what you needed, and showed your husband how much you really do appreciate how hard he works for you, and has provided for you, and given you such a nice house to live in, maybe he would respect you more???"

"HEY COUPLES, sex should not be this hard? You can say the word, SEX, yes that's right SEX, Don't just spell it out like it will curse you and place warts all over your face..... "Well it's day 4 and we just had.....S....E.....X.... task achieved!"  OH YUCK!

You are married. You are allowed to FUCK. You are allowed to really enjoy it too. You can also say ORGASM.  One lady's hubby announced that finally she had reached a climax, and had an orgasm. She wasn't able to get there in the days before this. She flipped. She was mortified, stating that her parents would watch this!


Hate to tell you hon, but we are all watching, and what I find so sad is that you feel ashamed you had an ORGASM with your HUSBAND of 7 years, during SEX!


You should be smiling, happy, and heck woman you should have had two!

Why is this always coming up? 2013 and men and women are still struggling to please each other in the bedroom.

Would there be less divorce, and infidelity if couples could just connect well in the bedroom, and then transcend that connection into the rest of the home? 

Let me give you an example of one couple:

He is a pilot.
She is a stay at home mum to a very young baby.
He also has a child from another relationship that comes to stay off and on.
They were once a party hard, late night, sex anywhere, all the time type of folks. They enjoyed it, they had fun with it, and they since the birth of their son, now missed it A LOT.

He wants to still play, and party, and still pretty much has his life and not much has changed except his sex life.

She wants him to accept that they are parents now, and she can't just go out and party hard all night as she will not cope with the baby the next day. She also has attachment issues with the baby. Why can't he see that?

So on her day she left him to have a day essentially being her. As much as it killed her not to leave things ready for her baby, she did it. 

He had to look after their son, feed, change, and play with him, as well as cook a home made dinner.

Well, not that bad really. After all she does this sort of thing EVERYDAY right?

He is laughing and a bit nervous, but is thinking this isn't really as bad as she claims it to be.

So with a home cooked dinner to get ready, and baby to sort out he starts.


While she went out for a much needed day with the girls, he destroyed the kitchen.

He couldn't get the chicken right, and he was mixing this and that, he broke the mixer, and blocked the sink. Let's just say that what could have gone wrong did. His son was demanding, and he was with baby in sling, baby bottle in hand doing his best to make mashed potatoes.

Needless to say when his wife returned, her  rather tidy kitchen was a war zone. No home cooked dinner ready, and only her baby son was asleep.
the kitchen sink was blocked and all this smelly black goo was floating in the sink, and she stood there not knowing if she should laugh or cry. It looked like EVERY SINGLE plate, dish, spoon, was out and dirty, and he was a total mess, and very, very, humble.

Well she didn't get mad, and she remained patient as he fixed the pipes to the sink, and cleaned the dishes. 

It was very late now, early hours of the morning, and they still had to check off the box for day 3. Well now how very interesting that HE WAS SO TIRED, that sex wasn't what he REALLY wanted to do. But he did, and it wasn't great, and it was quick. SURPRISE.

So I guess sometimes a walk in someone else's shoes can really open up a new perspective. But why aren't couples already doing this?

Anyway, they each discovered by meeting each other in the middle, everyone was happy, and the sex then just came naturally, and freely, and ORGASMIC fun was had by all.


  1. Don't forget about romance. Not just candles, dinner, that is not what I am saying, but romance her mind. Show her you care by doing the little things. 
  2. Tell her often how you feel about her.
  3. Kiss and hug her just out of the blue with no strings attached.
  4. Go down on your woman. LEARN WHAT THE FUCK A CLITORIS is, and how to PLEASURE IT.
  5. Change it up a little.
  6. Go slow, relax, touch. Kiss. Tell her how special she is.


  1. Remember your man has feelings too.
  2. Tell him how well he is doing. Appreciate him for all he does. Don't just shoot him down. Allow him the opportunity to show you.
  3. Loosen up and have fun sometimes. You wont get arrested if the dishes are not done before bed.
  5. BLOW him occasionally. Don't just lie there and go through your to do list while he works away on you. It is hard work up there. You try doing 50-100 push ups. Help him. Get into into it. RELAX. You just might enjoy it??
  6. Show him how and what you like. Tell him how good his cock is. 

Always make time for each other..................

Tease, flirt, have is really very bonding, and when a couple works as a team in all things, sex isn't ever one of 'THOSE' issues. 

A woman who is treated well, feels safe, and well loved, will TRUST you, and if you are honest and truly LOVE her she will give you her all.

Spice it up a bit. Take charge. That is really sexy. Oh and Ladies, this applies to you too!


  1. Right on, Criss!!!

    Thanks for your "Sex Ed 101" post.

    I look forward to advance courses from you.

    1. Advanced courses! LOL

      Not sure about that , but I can't rule out future horny rants! lol

  2. Oh boy,is someone feeling a bit brighter and a lot in the mood? Great post with a whole heap of great points.

    Especially about men helping around the house. Definitely a turn on (unless they break the oven by cleaning it)

    1. Feeling more and more myself, but still a long way from back to normal.I am hoping another week should do it and I can be allowed to go back to work. So no shaving legs for me for the next few weeks, that is for sure! lol

      I can not help but get fired up when I see utter stupid behaviour from ADULTS. Plus I guess it doesn't help that my sex life is all but a memory at the moment. A multi-orgasmic moment could put me hospital, and I really can't afford that happening........ although I have seriously weighed the pros and cons!

      I know ....I know.... I am a shocker........... lol

      I think to myself how in the hell am I going to educate my boys on this? I know Hubby will do his bit, but I am not sure if he will be as open as I was with our daughter.

      He may cringe if he really knew how much and open we spoke about sex and masturbation and first orgasms that night!

      But she asked and I was open. It was a tad awkward at times, but I think it was the right thing to do, and she has taken and learned much from our chat. (In her favour)

      It didn't turn her into a sex manic, in fact it actually stopped her in her tracks for quite a number of months. I think explaining that she actually had control over her body made her less needy for her boyfriend to satisfy that aspect. But hey she is human, and my daughter so it was only a matter of time, and she does genuinely love him, as he loves her, I can see that. I guess that is all we can hope for.

      Yes men who change nappy's, who can cook, who can wash up, and be the boy, as well as the man,, are definitely a big turn on........breaking ovens.....well if they take charge to fix them again well all's well. ^_^