Monday, 2 June 2014

letter #7

Dear Criss,

I know you have been struggling a little lately. I can see that you are second guessing, questioning, and becoming a little frustrated with the lack of weight loss. I know how hard you have been trying. You have been eating well, and cutting out bread, pasta, rice, and sugar. They are huge changes. So you have the odd squares of dark chocolate.....well you better go prostrate yourself naked and confess your sins! It is not a crime you know!

Something has been tossing around in your head? Something someone has really made you think hasn't it?

"There are the stress hormones, the setting for 'got to save this fat for the lean times ahead', the fat acts like a safe deposit box, and so much more."

Could you be doing this to yourself? Could your insecurities about the future, 

about money, about health, and health care, and your job, and your hubby's

job, and how many more years you both will be able to hang in there? 

I know you stress about moving. Soon the lease will be up, and this time of 

year brings that silent terror of the unknown. Money since last years back 

injury's as left a huge hole in the credit card, and you are still chasing the

tail of this bunny. It scares you to be in debt, it scares you to think of 

moving. I know it does. I can see it sat there just under the surface.

Sure you smile, and laugh, and go to work like all is well. But you know 

that you can't replace the washing machine, or get the computer fixed,

or update the list of things that are piling up, because these are luxuries.

You cross your fingers and hope that nothing else goes wrong. That you get 

another 12 months on the lease, and time to put things right. Time, such

a precious gift. 

I want you to practice what you preach my sweet. TRUST. Trust in you. Trust 

in your body, in your job, in your capacity to heal. To be strong, to cope.

Worrying about it now is not going to help anyone, least of all you... in 

fact it will only do you harm. STRESS.

So the past 2 weeks have been stressful.

Hot water went, you spent 3 days with no hot water.

The roof started leaking, so now that has to be sorted.

The toilet button sticks, so you have to keep checking to make sure that the

kids have flushed right so the water isn't running constantly.

All these things to tell the agent, during house inspection. In the back of

your head your head you are telling yourself the landlord is going to freak.

Well he might? But that is his problem. Did he not fix the water? You live

in an old house. A very old house. Things like this happen. You didn't do

this on purpose. He is not going to blame you for the rain! OK he might

decide to sell up, cut his losses. But we don't know that. You have been living

here for 8 years now. It is the longest time spent in a home in your whole

married life. I understand how you feel nervous, past experience has 

taught you. But the point I am making is that you can not know that this

will happen this time.

Is the fat there because you need that protective buffer? Is it there because

your body has issues and functions abnormally? Is it there because of

GM Wheat products you consumed before you knew what it was? PCOS?

Too much chocolate? A bad back? A fear of being raped if you look to nice?

A fear of the future, of war, of stupid government policies that favour only the

rich. Of a major earth disaster like Yellow Stone blowing up and destroying 

the world as we know it forever........

Is your daughter dating the right boy? Will your sons be OK? Will they grow

up happy, healthy, even if they couldn't own a puppy?

I know all this is in that head of yours. 


Today you are OK. (Well you have a cold....but apart from are OK)

Your Children are all safe. They are happy, normal kids. Right now sleeping,

safe and warm in their beds. You kissed them goodnight. There world is 

good, because they TRUST their parents to provide for them.........

.............and you do............................YES?

Have they ever gone hungry?

Have they ever been homeless?

Have they ever not gone on an excursion?

Can you see where I am going here?

Your husband loves you.

Your kids love you.

You are enough just the way you are.

Today you are OK. Yesterday you were OK. Tomorrow no one knows, so

why worry about it now? 

Stress will make you FAT. It will make you SICK. It will break your face out

with zits. It will lower your immunity and bang you have a bad cold.

You can't control what hasn't happened, and you WILL find a way to cope

with things when they do, because you always do!

SO PLEASE TRUST YOURSELF. Give yourself some slack. Enjoy the little 

moments of each day. You are lucky my friend.

There are mothers who are crying right now at the loss of their children...

widows morning for their husbands....

You are safe. You are Loved. You are Enough. You are OK. And you are FAT,

but you are a darn more healthy than you have been in the last 5 years, and

not as fat as you where in January!

So please think on that. Please trust, please let go of the what ifs and fear.

Just be happy. Keep learning. Keep trying new foods. Stop judging the cover

of the book, for under the covers and between the pages lies a beautiful,

loving person, with much to give, and to share, and a wonderful story to tell.

You are important in this world. You matter. So please keep taking good care

of yourself.

HUGS xxxx

1 comment: