Sunday, 16 February 2014

TO SHAVE OR NOT TO it all a man's fault?

My hubby found this article and was again upset about the fact that women are blaming men for all the horrid things we do to our bodies to please them. I shall pop the link in here and share with you the story, and my honest reply.

I would be curious to hear your thoughts on this.........

"It seems the Brazilian is over with its less appreciated cousin, the fur coat, back in the game. With proud bushes sprouting up everywhere from American Apparel to Lena Dunham's Girls to photographic projects and even Cameron Diaz’s debut book, the free-and-easy look is de jour once more.

I can’t remember the first time I endured the torture of a bikini wax. I imagine I blocked the experience from my memory as a means of warding off PTSD.

Because no matter what your pubic stylist tells you, it does not become less painful with time. The hair does not grow back thinner and finer, as if with enough visits you’ll suddenly find that it all disappears in a puff of smoke. You do not get “four to six weeks” of respite until wispy fuzz begins to appear on the common. Your pubes will not return as a fine layer of powdered snow on a gentle ground cast glistening under the stillness of a winter’s starry sky.

Artist Petra Collins was deleted from Instagram because of this image of a model with, shock, public hair. Image via
Artist Petra Collins was deleted from Instagram because of this image of a model with, shock, pubic hair. Image via

If you’re lucky, you’ll get four to six days of hairlessness that, while temporarily smooth, makes your downstairs look like a plucked spatchcock.

But look, that’s just my experience. And far be it from me to advise other women against it. Hair, or the lack thereof, is a personal choice. Strip yourself bare or go full wilderness - whatever makes you happy. It’s your spatchcock, after all.

And so while I personally embrace news that the Brazilian torture industry is on its way out, I’m less enthusiastic about the reasons why. Unfortunately, attempts to reinstate the popularity of hair while redefining it as fashionable are just as silly as previous attempts to make it Verboten - especially when that advocacy is coming from companies whose ultimate goal is to make money.

Sure, American Apparel’s creative director sounds good when she says, “everybody’s got it all backward. Pubic hair isn’t a trend, removing it is. It’s like everybody’s suddenly acting like having hair is a new idea.”

Isn’t that refreshingly progressive? I mean, doesn’t that just sound like American Apparel is the kind of au naturale company that loves women and supports their natural bodies? And wouldn’t those natural bodies just look so great in the ‘semitransparent mesh lingerie’ American Apparel are selling for Valentine’s Day? It’s not as if American Apparel has had a heinous history of sexualising women’s bodies, or being dictatorial about the limited expressions of beauty demanded in their retail staff.

The problem with taking a fairly mundane activity - in this case, removing or growing hair that naturally appears on your pubic area in varying levels of ferocity - and fetishising a particular expression of it is that it still forces women to operate in the shame economy that is the beauty industry.

Instead of allowing them to live in their bodies as they see fit, free of judgment from others, their choices are still up for discussion by people with exactly zero to do with them.

Now we have well respected, progressive comics like Rob Delaney saying he was ‘horrified’ when he first saw a bald vagina - as if the contemplation of women’s bodies by men has been a field sorely underrepresented.

Meanwhile, the natural look is now being lauded as the domain of ‘eco- and health-minded women’, with Angela Kia Kim (owner of Savor Spa in the West Village) telling the New York Times, ‘the grown look certainly suits a girl who is more au naturel’. Because how you treat your pubic hair is clearly a reflection on your depth and values as a human being - especially when accompanied by the kind of class privilege that can see you afford regular visits to an upmarket New York spa.

In or out, proud or shrouded, I don’t care. It’s just hair and what you choose to do with it has no reflection on your worth as a person. As long as that choice is being informed by your desires and no one else’s, who cares whether or not you like to lay naked in the wind or hide your light under a bushel?"

So that was the story........... here is what hubby said..............

"Check this out for a complete non-story! And of course, men are to blame! Again!"

So I replied................

The women in the comments section, did have men in their lives that were of the liking of a hair free snatch. And some men do enjoy a hairless fanny, but in truth I think most men really don't care. Porn pushed the alien look, and people have become a accustomed to seeing that as normal and what is considered beautiful. Let's face it..... A LOT of women in porn are Beautiful Fit Hot looking women.......That is why you watch right? No man wants to see the average woman (aka) someone who looks like me for example rip her clothes off and do the business with anyone......not even I want to see that! But the article was not blaming Men. It was more having a go and the fashion industry. In the 80's the Mullet hair cut was considered hot. A man with a mullet was what we all wanted , YES? (and no I never liked it even back then!) Now 30 years later we look back and say WHAT WAS EVERYONE ON? It was YUCK. But it was fashion, and everyone was doing it, and so it was accepted truth. The Brazilian is the same fashion trendy thing. I never saw the beauty in it, I think a neat trimmed bush is sexy, but that is just me. I also think men should have pubic hair, and body hair. Men should not shave their legs unless they have a sport reason to do so, and unless you have wall to wall carpet all over your body, don't do anything. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A WOMAN!

So no, men are not to blame. Fashion trends and clever marketing are. The men and women who took on the trend are no different to the anyone who buys goods because someone tells them that without it you will not be happy, your life will suck, and all awesome things will come your way if you do....and wait there is more, they will also thrown in a curling iron and no extra price!

Personally I always wondered about how long that look lasted. And if you have ever had a bikini wax you will understand that it is not the most pleasant experiences on this world. If you have very sensitive soft thin skin in that area , you can be left bleeding and with bruising.... which I have experienced each time I have attempted a wax both professionally and on my own. Less trauma when done by the professionals, but damage all the same, which is why the thought of going all the way made me think it was just a world of pain I didn't want to experience. Then the itches. I have imagines women scratching like grown hairs too.....OUCH! Then prickly hair growing back....would that leave a type of pash rash in reverse?? Maybe that's just me over thinking. 

 But answer me this honestly..........Would you agree that most women want to look attractive to a man? They actually want to be desired, called pretty, beautiful, we try and do whatever we can to make sure we stay within the structure of what is deem acceptable beauty. Lets be honest....I have never heard anyone say....(either men or women).........Look at a woman of average size and fitness, with upper lip hair (all be it fine hair), dark hairy legs, untrimmed pubes that are escaping out of her bikini bottoms, and when she lifts her arms up in the air, huge thick bushes of dark hair are making cloud puffs in her arm pits! NO I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT A NATURAL WOMAN. Society shuns them. It would make no difference if she is the most perfect woman on the planet......a man would not see past the shell.

So we all and women..... have become accustomed to grooming in a particular way that is accepted as OK in the mainstream suburbia. We all want to be liked. I wonder how man found women hot in the caveman time period? But this is not new fashion. Women have removed their hair to be beautiful since the days of Cleopatra, and before that too. Men like the way we look when hair is gone from out face and arm pits and legs. It makes us look less like a man. We like the look too. So it is a win win. I wonder what would happen when no more razors, tweezers, and wax were around, and everyone was forced to go about as they were always meant to look. Wouldn't we all look hairy and scary. lol  I wonder if we would still find ourselves attractive then?


  1. You've "never heard anyone say nice things about a natural woman"? Granted, the media trips over itself for exceptionally symmetric people both male and female, but have you really never heard someone say an average woman is beautiful? Here, let me help, I say, "Natural women, women with curves, a curved nose, gorgeous hips, a bit of cottage cheese like we all have, and that sexy bit of tummy roll we who do not have perfect abs have when sitting down possess, are unbelievably sexy."
    Some effort has to be made. Guys with gross facial hair, unkempt pubes, dandruff, and poor dress habits are just as shunned as women who don't make the effort to shave their armpits or trim other regions or make any freaking effort.
    Yes, waxing is painful and unnecessary, but to the credit of the Brazilian and its popularization, we now live in an age where pubic lice are an endangered species. That's a good thing.
    How about we all just trim ourselves to where we don't make our partners choke on excess hair and don't give our partners' mouths and noses carpet rash? Both genders. Make effort. It's not that tough and translates to both genders. Make some effort, even if you're married.

    1. YES less Lice is a good thing! I agree, 'Natural women do have curves, cottage cheese, (love that expression btw), and tummy rolls. The media doesn't really promote it, but it has improved which is good.

      Just because you are married isn't an excuse to let yourself go. You still need to make an effort, even when you are older, and you both need to accept the changes to the human body as it ages as well..........both for a man or a woman. Basic hygiene is a must, and a no brainer in my book.

      But it isn't a man's fault that women de-hair themselves....nor a woman's fault a man chooses to wax! Which is my point. Let's stop the blame game. There is such a lack of education between the sexes don't you think?

      Hubby and I believe it was the "fashion industry" and women's magazines that got the 'all gone' craze going. Like the millions of stories on how to find the G-Spot! Can we just explain that it is all part of the clit and if he can't find that then..............a story for another time..........back on subject.........

      Bottom line is that a woman should be comfortable in her own skin. If the totally natural look is what she wants, then so be it. She will be attractive to men that like that look. Those men will be in a minority, but are definitely out there.

      So, if a woman doesn't really want to do the basics of shaving legs, getting rid of upper lip hair, under the arms and trimming the bush then that is her choice, but she shouldn't then go batshit crazy if few men pay attention to her. (which is what is happening with this aggressive feminist movement) Which is what is so distressing to my hubby.

      As he pointed out "Think of the trend of men's beards. For over 30 years a beard on a man was considered yuck! But now, thanks mainly to the imagery of hardened Special Forces soldiers in Afghanistan and men wanting to copy that, the beard is back in!"

      I think some people, both men and women are narcissistic and weak in personality and that is why they are too scared to be themselves and willingly follow whatever trend they are socially told to follow. There. Case closed.

  2. I had my first bikini wax when I decided that the wonders of menopause had encouraged hair to grow out side the boundaries of my swimwear and shaving really left a bad itchy rash.
    And now that I have them regularly I really dont mind them and it certainly doesn't itch like the razor.
    There is a different between a bikini wax and a XXX brazilian. There is no way I want to look like a little girl and hubby sure hasn't requested it either.
    For me it is all about grooming. I like things neat and tidy. And that is why I also get my legs and eyebrows waxed and shave the pits.
    I do it for me. Hubby couldnt care less. He likes me best when I am happy with how I look.

    1. ...and that is exactly how it should be Mynx. I get the eyebrows shaped about once a year. It takes me a good six months to start loosing the perfect groomed shape the professionals do, then another six months to allow myself to leave them alone long enough to go wild so they can wax them again. What can I say...tweezers are a girls best friend. I shave the legs.......well when my back allows it, and my secret lady....well so far she has stayed pretty behaved, and occasionally get trim, but yes the rash and itches are not worth the bother sometimes. The hair in my arm pits is so sparse that I don't really need to bother , unless I am swimming . Like you hubby isn't too fussed. He loves me as I am, and even tonight said I'd rather have a happy wife, than a cranky one on a diet. But the diet stays, and yes I am craving chocolate so bad!

      But it would be wrong of me to say it is his fault I am fat. It is his fault I am dieting so that I can look slim and sexy again. It's not. I am doing this because I want to look in the mirror and not want to scream. I want to look good for myself, and feel healthy. If he likes it too bonus. But this is for me.

      So many women like to blame men for everything. Then men lump us all in the same bucket too. It is a no win zone. Truth is not all men are wankers and not all women are bitches.

      We need to be respectful, and kind with our fellow man. Treat people the way you wish to be treated yourself. Our partners deserve the same.

      For me the XXX wax is a definite NO WAY ZONE..........I think I have well and truly missed the 12 year old bus. lol