Relationships can be tricky!

The other day a young girl, in her early 20’s, well that is young to me, came up and asked “Criss, what do you do when you ‘LOVE’ someone, you’d do anything for them, you ‘LOVE’ them to bits, BUT you are not ‘IN LOVE’ with them?”

So I said, “So, you Love them more like a friend, or a brother?” To which she replied a bit puzzled “Yes, but I do love them to bits.”

She already knew the answer, she just wanted someone to make her feel OK about the decision she was wanting to make. That is not my place to say.

She went on to tell me how they just wanted different things, and how she was just starting to go out and have fun, and he was all past that and was too serious all the time. He worked really hard, and was focused on his future. They got on great, when they saw each other, which wasn’t that often. Maybe it is just a case of built up sexual frustration? Don't laugh, women want and need sex just like men do. She wanted fun, and parties, and he was ready to settle down.

It’s hard in relationships sometimes. All relationships go through up’s and downs. I guess the fact that she is drop dead pretty and gets asked out daily is also a factor. When you have so much adoration around you it can make you choosy and picky. I guess the warning is that beauty fades, and a lot of these men only really want to; well there is no nice way to put it, fuck her. She knows this too, (well I hope she does!), and if she was single she would be free to have a good time. But I wonder if she may be letting slip through her fingers someone who might just care for her more than how she looks naked and mounted on top?

So many young girls are just doing the craziest things. Maybe I am showing my age here a bit, but I can’t image the risks they are taking, and I am glad that my daughter doesn’t seem to need to follow the drunken weekend band wagon. (For which I am grateful.)

It takes me back to another interesting conversation I had with several women. The youngest was 18, the oldest in her early 50’s. We were discussing the ‘ONE NIGHT STAND’, having had only one boyfriend, who I have loved for over twenty years, and married, this concept is so alien to me.

What I managed to work out is that it isn’t the sex that draws them in, but the pursuit, the chase. The girls never have an orgasm, which to me is just NUTS, and often the sex is really, really bad. Or fails all together, and then you have the awkward get dressed and get out moment. You apparently also have to be very drunk to willingly go home with a complete stranger as well. NUTS! Is it nuts, or is it just me?? No, it’s definitely nuts!

Now why do you want to go to all the trouble of shopping for a new outfit, shaving your legs, and bits and bobs, and getting all pretty/sexy, and spending your hard earn dollars on drinks, and taxis, just to get hit on by a drunk guy, who basically wants to fuck you, and that is OK, you want that too, and off you go, back to his, yours, the car park, and a few mins later, all over, go home? Am I the only one here who thinks that is just crazy?

You don’t get relief, (ORGASM), you risk getting hurt, or getting an STD, pregnant, and for what? What really? Please explain it to me! You could have had more fun, and saved your pennies, at home with yourself, which you will most likely do anyway!

What was interesting was how the girls/women who take part in this all had similar stories, and all said that once home, they felt a little sad, and certainly frustrated. I just shook my head, and said WHY DO IT THEN?

Simple, it’s better than not doing it and being all alone. The thrill of the chase makes them feel, all be it for a short time, desired and wanted, and that  my dear friends is the hook that draws them back in every time.

Call me old fashioned, past it, whatever, but give me romance any day. If a friendship develops serious feelings, and it should progress to being sexual, then I expect my partner to give as well as he gets.

Maybe that is why books such as “Fifty Shades of Grey” are so popular? He certainly gives a lot, and leaves her wanting only to feel it again and again and again. Plus he is always in pursuit, and let’s be honest ladies, we all want to be desired, and wanted.

The biggest mistake a man can do to his relationship is forget to make his woman feel desired. The day to day, the kids, the housework, the job, they all take there toll. But when the feeling of not being desired anymore goes, it can be a recipe for the end for some couples.  Let’s not mistake desire with sex. As you have discovered it isn’t the sex the girls are chasing, but the pursuit, the moment of being desired. It seems it makes it all worth it. Although to have both is the ultimate goal.

So is that what happens to a couple once they move in together and day to day life beings? She misses the man that she fell in love with, the one that made her feel so special, just because he couldn’t wait to see her. He becomes comfortable, and just expects that all these things she does is just what happens, not realising that she does it for them, for him. We are constantly seeking approval, appreciation, as women. I feel women seem to need this more so than men. When a man becomes lazy, and doesn’t help out about the place, or make an effort to spend time with his woman, but still wants his woman to be all things sexy, he is asking for nothing but trouble.

So make sure you TELL HER you love her. Help out with the kids, and the housework. Allow time for each other, to date, to be THAT COUPLE, the couple that started this relationship. Don’t take each other for granted. Take care of each others needs. Life is short. Anything can happen at any moment. When a partner feels neglected it can be a very lonely place. There is really no difference with regards to this between men and women.

Relationships take work. There are no easy ones. Some just are better at communicating and negotiation than others. Trust, respect, and a little sacrifice. I believe the grass is never greener on the other side; everyone has to work at it. It isn’t that hard to love with all your heart, and if it is, well then maybe you’re with the wrong person?