Quietly Missing You

Saturday morning at 4:30am I am awakened by my faithful hubby so I can get up and start getting ready for work. For a few precious seconds I think how wonderful it is that he has stirred me from my slumber, but then reality hits, and I can't hold in the small sigh of sadness.  I start work at 6am on Saturdays. He was at work the night before, and so we haven’t seen each other since 7:30pm Friday night, which was only for a few hours which consisted of dealing with our 3 kids. Child number 1 needed to be taken into work to drop off paper work, then to her boyfriend’s house. Child number 3 was a good boy at school so as promised, mum, that’s me, took him to the shops for a well deserved treat, and we did some quick shopping too. So if you really add up the time Hubby and I had it was probably only 15 minutes, shared with the cat.

We seem to live like this now. I work early days, or afternoons, and he works nights. When I am up, he is asleep, and vice versa. We have spent the past four years working side by side almost. We both worked at the same supermarket stacking shelves.  Yes we are the little elves that come out at night and make your grocery items appear on the shelf all pretty and ready for you to buy. It is hard work. It is non-stop filling, we have a 55 carton per hour rate to stick to and it keeps you fit.

What I really enjoyed most was the drive to and from work. It was the only time we had without kids to talk. No child to butt in, and need something right then and there. Just us, quietly, with maybe just the some music to surround us in, our time, just us. I miss it. I miss our just us time. Occasionally we even worked side by side, and that was fun too, but I would always end up laughing too much and the boss would equate that to not working so she would split us up. That’s us, we are best friends. We enjoy each others company. Even still after being with each other for almost 26 years. The job isn’t the most rewarding, but occasionally we had some good nights.

Recently I hurt my back at work, and it was that bad I was sent to hospital via ambulance. My first time as the patient in an ambulance, and I hope my last. My injury was bad enough for doctors to deem night fill no longer a safe thing for me to do. So now I work out the front of the store, on check outs, and as store greeter, and I am the run around girl who sorts out stock, and customers who can’t find things, well you get the idea.  Basically I am doing a safer job for me, and I don’t get in trouble for talking anymore. Bonus!

I am a people person. I do like my own space and occasionally really need to just shut the world out, but I also need very much to be around people, and sharing a laugh. The sad part is I don’t get to do this with my hubby anymore and I miss him a lot.

I guess there are a lot of family’s working like this to just get by? Hubby had to work Sunday this week too. Sunday is the only day of the week we can have together, so I really have noticed his absence. But you have to do what you have to do, and we have to do it. That is just life for us at the moment.

He was so tired, as he worked Saturday night and then had to go in early Sunday morning. His body clock thrown, he couldn’t sleep, so now he is in bed, catching up, and I am here writing all my thoughts down for no one in particular to read but me.

  

The kids have been really full-on this weekend. Child 2 and 3, both boys, have been fighting much of the day. Siblings often do. They love hate each other, but today the love was on the weaker side. So as today was my only day off that I could call a weekend, I was a bit pissed at their constant bickering.

 As child 1 and boyfriend weeded the garden for money, child 2 and 3 were in a massive time out. Child 3 was sent to room to settle down, and child 2 was made to vac the house to put some of that temper into a positive outcome. I found myself on my day off, cleaning, washing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning out the litter box, and cooking for my forever hungry children.  I was feeling very frustrated and lonely and lost and angry.

I had to pull myself out of this spiralling gloom and not allow these blood sucking monsters, my dear children, to ruin my weekend. I decided that I would make sure that somewhere in this busy day I would do something for me. So I coloured my hair.

I coloured, and plucked my eyebrows and even shaved my legs. Suddenly I felt more womanly. However it didn’t ease the loneliness I was feeling. As I was combing through the hair dye I missed the fact that Hubby would do this for me. He has done it for years. Well since I did it once and missed a big patch at the back of my head! I hope I haven’t done that again! He is kind that way. He makes me laugh. That was the first thing that attracted me to him, his ability to make me laugh. He even puts on hairdresser voices; my favourite is the camp guy. He just is my best friend. It is just another thing that seems to be disappearing.

We are like passing strangers in the night, and every stolen kiss, hug, glance, is treasured, even if it is at the front door to say good bye.

So for now this is what life is. School runs, housework, work, sleep. It is just a change. Another change we need to learn to adjust to. I hope in time we discover the balance. He helped me start my Blog, and I am enjoying being able to just pour my thoughts out, it is almost comforting.

I know the importance of positive self talk, and I know that this too will pass. It is just a day, and my man is not far from me. He is just down the hall, asleep in our bed, resting his weary body. So I type, to keep myself company, but soon I too need to sleep, for tomorrow the week starts over. So I will fall into slumber, and my man will rise, for he is a creature of the night, and tomorrow we will again meet amongst the chaos of the world we have created, our family. I am looking forward to tomorrow night, as he is not working, and so when I get back home, we can share a few precious hours together before I have to again return to slumber to face another day.

I use to share those nights with him. Sleep those days with him. For in those days are some of the best days of my life. I shall keep the memories safe in my heart, locked away for only me, and wish that soon he and I will find a way to be just more than passing strangers in the night.