The return of the 'MELTY MAN'....

It seems my improved mood paid off. The smiles, the baking, the transformation to domestic goddess, sweet wife and mother paid off. I did get an 'O'. It was a nice 'O', a very pleasing 'O', but was it the 'O' that I was craving for..........?????

You see it appears I have been a little off in my thoughts of hubby's lust filled nights, watching fit, perky, non birthing hips, doing Olympic feats that would make a gymnast blush, pleasuring himself happy, while I lay fast asleep curled up next to a hot wheat pillow for warmth.

Well he was, that is he was trying....

It appears that the recent back issue and resulting drugs to cope, have left a small but rather nasty side effect. 

This topped with the issues of trying to get back into the full swing of work. The lack of shifts now playing on his mind, and current other life born stresses, which loop around in his head, are also it seems looping in the other head.

My poor man is going through some, what I'd call, rather normal issues. I feel so bad for him. It isn't the same for a man to loose his best friend, even if he has just gone south for the winter. Men have a very different relationship with their members, they are much more defined by them than we are. I guess it is very hard for a man to fake it. He can't hide it. It is all out there for show. 


Yet he didn't shy away. He didn't tell me either, which I wished he had. Perhaps he thought with my help, once things got going.....wishful thinking.....???

The problem now is within his head. This is where the true battle lies. It has happened before. The last time I had turned myself in side out, thinking this was it. He had finally had enough of me. I was not young, pretty, and perky any more. I was convinced he was heading to the idea that a trade in was on the cards. I was no longer wanted, desired, needed....just old, used, and rusty!

I was wrong.

It wasn't me at all.

He did blame me a little. Frustration more than anything else. More of a joke on my part, but I didn't see the humour at the time. I took it on board like it was historical fact! It hurt. It hurt a lot. That wasn't his intention, but all the same it ripped though me, and occasionally still haunts me. Certainly didn't help the self esteem. But eventually I discovered the real reason. STRESS! Stress and the negative self talk and pressure he was putting himself under to perform. I was almost scared he had finally abused it so much he broke it!

So, late last night, which I guess also didn't help matters much in my department, he hinted that having some 'Adult Time' with me would be nice. 'Would I be up for it?' Ummmmmmmmm.......................

I did almost say no. I did question the hour, calculated how long this might take, and judge if staying up late and loosing sleep out weighed missing out on spending intimate time with my man. Well 30 sec later, I was all for the idea! Well it has been a while!

The small fluttering butterflies of excitement stirred, and I was keen to get the show on the road. It was late. I had to be up early....don't judge! Hubby was taking it a lot slower, and I was forced to follow his lead.

It wasn't long before I noticed that things were not exactly what I was expecting. He was very keen to please me, but was very careful to not allow me the chance to return the kind gesture. 

Some would say that is awesome....but you see I am a giver. I like to please. I actually get really turned on by how much my man is enjoying the things I am doing to him. If I can't please him back I feel selfish. A bit greedy. I really don't like it. It really robs me of my own pleasure if that makes sense?

Fighting my thoughts and realising I was fighting a loosing battle with my own body, which was now running on auto pilot, I did, rather too soon, and suddenly, reach my 'O'.

I wasn't ready for it, I hadn't let go enough, it was all automatic....and sadly for me just the tip of the getting satisfied burger. It was just the first course. Now my body alive and awaken craved more attention. More touch, more man, and more emotion. If I had known that this was what was going to happen I would have relaxed, and allowed myself to really enjoy it, turned off my mind, and just let him please him. No strings attached. It would have been AMAZING!

But hubby didn't do what I was hoping for. He lay back and just stopped. I thought maybe he wanted me to return the deed. I wasn't keen on that at 1 am in the morning, hubby isn't the sort who comes early if you get my drift. When time and mind and body are all in the right frame, I have no issue with this, but now I was already getting cold, and sleepy, and I really wasn't satisfied enough to just be ignored. At these times it really is a blow'JOB'.

But I went for it with all I had. I love him, and I want to make him happy. he deserves it. He is a good man. He was trying, I could see that, it was rising and  falling, and after some serious effort, using all past experience of what works, even I realised that this horse was going no where.

So he told me. Told me what I had worked out a good 30 mins earlier, but I didn't want to let him down. He has been dealing with ED. Erectile dysfunction. Which is of course due to the stress of having hurt his back, lack of income, medication, and now the struggle to get back into work, and the resulting pain form that, creeping fear in the mind, and fear that he may not be able to get back to where he was...all swimming about his head, creeping back in when he is trying to think of more lusty thoughts, and causing the return of 'MR MELTY MAN'

I guess having dealt with this before, made it easier to just accept without the added emotions of fear, guilt, and hurt. It wasn't rejection, it was just a normal thing that happens sometimes.

I felt bad for him, I now how much he enjoys sex, but I also felt very LOVED. Even though he was, he knew that the chances of him getting his rocks off where pretty much not in the cards, he still WANTED to spend time with me, and make me feel good. He even joked and agreed that maybe tomorrow things will be back... for it can...it is all in his head...the big head, not the little one....

I am just utterly blown away by how self less he is has a man. I am also glad that I have finally realised that me getting all hot and bothered, frustrated and angry, only makes things 1000 tomes worse. Imagine if I had gone all bitch factor 2000, and all the while he has been struggling to prove himself a man! So a good lesson learned, and one to pass on.

However, a heads up, some well placed information sooner may have been helpful in my understanding, but better late than never hey!

Hugs and kisses good night, and hubby left me to my dreams. However I wasn't anywhere near sleepy yet. There was still some un-finished business to take care of. 

With thoughts of my man, I soon sorted out the nagging problem, and was then able to sleep. I don't need porn.................

Still looking forward to the 'O' moment I crave, but it is all good, and I can wait till hubby can join me in a big old "O" too.

In the mean time it's nice to know he still likes to please.