Nothing like waking up feeling in pain and off, and have a 7 year old decide that now would be a great time to have a issue with EVERYTHING in the world.
He was perfectly happy playing before that, but since casting eyes on me thinks that VENTING his BULLSHIT and TONE is somehow going to make me LIKE HIM!
Sorry dude, I am in charge here, and you don't get your way with that crap. Not to mention he has changed pants 3 times in 30 mins. FFS Do I have nothing better to do than wash clothes! I did it all yesterday.
Today was going to be a chill-lax day. You can really notice the difference on meds and off! I am now one tight ball of tension, doing my best to relax and not loose my utter cool. I am feeling horrible.
He also wanted lunch. While I was making his lunch, before he has even eaten it, he is swinging the pantry doors.
I said "why are you in the pantry?"
He replied in an arrogant tone "LOOKING FOR FOOD, WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM DOING!" Like yeah you fucking dick-head.
So I snapped, and told him he could bloody well eat the lunch he wanted first, and ALL OF IT, or he can have me whack him and go to bed!
All this before I have even had a cup of tea. Really! Must I have been so bad a person to deserve this? I can barely move this morning without bringing tears to me eyes and I need to hold it together and deal with this bullshit behaviour.
He is now he is eating watching a movie and playing Lego, and drawing all at the same time. I wish only that my LITTLE BOY return to his nice self soon, or it's going to be a long hard day!
I am hoping that this rant allows me time to settle down and regain control, so that when hubby wakes up he isn't also pissed off at me for yelling in the morning!
It's like I am caught between a rock and a hard place.
I am fed up with this constant pain I am in. My first week back at work has been bearable but only on strong meds. I have only today off and then back to it Monday. I just want to do nothing. I want to feel nothing.
Yesterday Child 1 took the boys to Disney On Ice. They had a great day out. It was nice to come home from work and still have the place to myself.
5 am start to my day. Hubby kind enough to stay up so that he could pop on my shoes and socks. Then off to work. Then after my shift a half hour rest stop in the staff room so that I could manage some shopping. Just the essentials. Get home after midday. Took 20 mins to remove all the shopping from car and bring to kitchen where I put it all away. That is REALLY SLOW.
Then I sat down and had lunch, and a cuppa, and enjoyed the warmth of my heat bag. Then once feeling a bit better, I tackled the house.
All last nights dishes still lay about. Child 1 the night before not even thinking that collecting her dirty cups, and crap and taking them to the sink would be much appreciated. Instead, their breakfast dishes, and cups, remained where they ate that morning, along side the dirty ones from the night before. The night before when I went to bed early, as the shooting pain in my leg was so uncomfortable that strong meds had to be taken and sleep had.
I knew they would have had no time in the morning, as they had to be up and ready to catch the bus. But the night before could have been meet with more thoughtful thoughts than reading and watching TV.
But no matter, I did it. Bit by bit, I washed up, cleared bench tops. Sorted rubbish, and got the washing on.
It felt good to be in control, all be it slow. Not sure if the kids, or hubby realised just what a mammoth effort that all took? Kids certainly didn't care a hoot.
Hubby was up soon, he had work to get to, so he was busy getting himself ready. Kids got home, happy, tired, and boys hypo, but all good.
We settled in for a good night , and once Hubby was back home, and kids all to bed, Hubby and I watched the remaining 4 episodes of the TV Drama SPARTACUS War of the Dammed.
So I guess staying up till 2.30 am wasn't the best idea, especially since I had been awake since 5 am, but it was nice to just hang out and besides, it was so good, we just had to see it to the bitter end.
So that is that! I am now back here at the keyboard spilling my guts to you all!
Calm is again upon me, and the boys have decided that pancakes are on the menu. There goes the kitchen, but at least they are happy!
Wish me Luck! LOL
Good luck!
ReplyDeleteIsn't it a child's job to be finicky to the point of madness? Not having kids, I don't know, but it's stories like yours that remind me why I stand in front of the microwave when it's running, hoping to irradiate my baby making bits.
I was glad to read the line "It felt good to be in control, all be it slow," because I read the part about you putting away groceries and thought that was a major triumph for someone who needs help with the shoes. Keep progressing. I'm glad to take the journey with you to full recovery.
Kids are not so bad. They can drive you nuts,ruin your body, make you cry, keep you up at night with worry, but they also teach you so much about yourself, and force you to get up and keep going, and remember the adventure and simple things in life. They make you laugh and smile, and love so hard it hurts. Despite my moans I wouldn't give them up for anything. It really is a personal choice, and I do, I must confess, especially after mornings like these, on occasion ENVY those childless and free. But all it takes is a big old hug, and sticky kiss and i am right back to exactly where I want to be. MUMMY.
ReplyDeleteMy son did eventually settle down, but was still loud and busy. In fact both sons got on well today. I can honestly say i was glad when bed time arrived. I wonder if your children can be sued for noise pollution???
The road to recovery has been rather slow this time round. I am utterly shit in the mornings, or at the starting point of my day. Much more flexible after the meds and some movement had during the day. It seems to take a few hours. Before it just took a hot shower!
I am starting to think if nothing gets any better soon, I will have to ask about having some tests done to see just what damage I have done this time. I hate being dependant on other people.
Let's hope the chiro and physio this week help loosen me up a bit!