Life!

Today I am sitting here with a million and one things going through my head like some kind of traffic jam dance routine.

It's been yet another week full of doctors appointments, dental appointments, speech therapy appointments, Chiro appointments, and school activities, and tired grumpy kids. Yet it is ONLY Wednesday!!

My sore back isn't helping me at all, and I completely lost Sunday, due to some very strong pain killers. Then last night Hubby sneezed, and he did his disc. So now he is in bed, sad and sorry, and I just have to laugh, as we are just a brilliant pair! Negotiating getting into bed last night was almost comical. It was almost a scene out of  an old aged nursing home. "Don't move...don't touch me....." That was hubby by the way... I am feeling a lot better, just sore, so very sore.

Christmas is fast  approaching, and I just can't sort myself out. I wish that someone could just do it all for me. I have to get more organised, but things just keep getting in my way causing me to shuffle this, and move that, and I feel like I am just chasing my tail.

Child 1 is changing educational direction at Uni, and as always has left things to the last minute  and some how all her issues with school, and courses comes down to us, THE PARENTS, which is of course not the case. She is just scared, and frustrated that she can't do what she wants, and is learning the life lesson of life isn't always fun, and you don't always get what you want. But for now, it is much easier to shed blame on mum and dad, rather than take a good look at yourself, and realise you just can't goof off and play any more, this is life, your life, and we can guide you, suggest, support, but in the end the  it's all down to you.

Child 2 has basically avoided doing homework all term. The little smart butt has managed to pass all his tests, and stay under the radar, but I worry that he isn't really trying, and if he did, he would ace it. He wants to learn the key board next year, and I am trying to figure out how to find the money in there somewhere so he can. I still need to get the boys back into swimming lessons, and Child 3 also wants to play guitar. Child 2 still has drama lessons, and he loves that so much, it has been so good for him, I just can't bring myself to remove him from that class. It is the only thing he has.

Child 3 is sucking the life from me. His ADHD, and learning issues are all anyone can cope with. His teachers are forever on our case, he is not enjoying school any more, and this last 2 weeks have been a nightmare with him. The other day he woke up at 4.30 am. He then woke up EVERYONE. Nor he or the rest of us got back to bed that day till almost 10pm! I KID YOU NOT! I was ready to kill him.

Both hubby and I have been against medication. Choosing to help structure him, routine, firm rules, understanding, and now expensive city based education with a highly qualified specialist, as a last resort to help him learn how to work with his dyslexia, and read and write, and understand, like everyone else. 

I spoke to a mum this morning who has a child like ours. She was the same, hated the idea of drugs, but last year, after watching her daughter battle for the last 4, she couldn't stand it any more, and gave in. She said she has another child. Her grades have improved, she is easy to live with, it just sounds wonderful. But once the meds wear off she goes right back to being her loud annoying self. I know there are days when we crave some calm. But our little boy is who he is, and I am so worried about all the bad side effects. Is it really worth the risk? I guess for now we travel down this road, and keep medication as a very  last resort. We have been told this woman is a miracle worker, so we are putting our trust in her, and in our little man, and hopefully he will start to see he isn't silly, and build on that confidence, and enjoy school much more.

But then I am back to fretting about money. Hubby now wont be able to work, for who knows how long, and he doesn't get paid if he doesn't work. So again I am tossing about Christmas! Do I buy the kids what they want? Do I just get one good thing for all of us? Do I stick my head in a bucket and hide away till January?

January! No rest stop there either. Boys birthdays, our wedding anniversary, (which no doubt again will be celebrated with a non event), Our nieces engagement party, school fees, and new uniforms, shoes, books, blah blah blah...........

I can see our money running away, screaming and laughing, while we sit here and weep.
When do we get a break? Just some settled time of nothing. Nothing to do. No washing, cooking, ironing, cleaning, doctors, shopping, just NOTHING! Oh how I miss days when we could just wake up and be naked, and make love, and sleep, and maybe eat something in there somewhere, and just go and see a movie......just us. Just us.

Sorry I am venting, and I feel I really have no right to vent and bitch and moan.  This week I learned that a friend of ours lost his daughter. She killed herself. It has left me feeling most frustrated with the world. Very sad. Now her dad is inconsolable. He is lost in a world of sadness and depression. So bad that he has left the family home, and his partner, (not the girls mother) is doing her best to help him, but their relationship is now very rocky. 
21! Young, and with a small baby. I feel so very sorry for them all. It was a very mis-managed case of Post Natal Depression. It didn't have to be that way  for her, and it upsets me that still in the year 2012, people fall through the cracks.

We can build bombs, and pay for wars, create false issues so we can be taxed more (carbon tax), but we can't find homes for the homeless, we can't have cheaper housing, secure jobs, better mental health care. Where's the profit in making people well? This world is really sick. Would it just be better of it all to really come to an end on DEC 21st ? 

When I think about what they are going through right now, it makes me very glad that I have my kids safe, and close. I have a hubby who LOVES ME. That is the most precious thing on this earth.

So life moves on. It stops for no one. So I guess I need to stop sitting here and griping about what needs to be done by next week, and just do what needs to be done today. 
DISHES! 

So if you are feeling a little overwhelmed today, just STOP. Have a good vent, and then just let it go. Just think about what needs doing in the next 30 mins. Remind yourself that you have people who care, and people who will listen. Your kids will be OK. They don't need all that stuff anyway. Just BREATHE.

STAY HEALTHY, STAY SAFE, and never take the ones you love for granted. Now I think I need a NAP!  Keep SMILING  ^_^