Letter # 4

Dear Criss,

what a busy week we have had. It was so nice to enjoy the Easter break with the kids and the family. You didn't go over board with Easter Eggs, and you didn't buy any for yourself which is a first! 

Everything is still going well. Don't look at me that way. Yes that way. I know that the weight is still not moving as you would like, and that darn work vest is still too tight.....but not as tight. You have to admit that.....YES?

Still no drugs for the back pain. Coping well after a month without any treatments. These are all good positive things my love. Things to rejoice over, and sing and dance. You worked hard. You can gloat a little..... go on....

What was the reward for this weeks efforts? Come on...don't be shy.....new clothes.....what about them.........come on.........what was it about the clothes?

New Jeans, and stretch pants, and T-shirts..........what was so good about them????

That's right.....Even though you took 2 sizes into the fitting rooms..... your current size, and then just in case the next size down, you found that the next size down was a perfect fit. You have lost a whole size and a tad bit more. WHOO WHOOO GIRL! Congratulations. Feels great right.

So much to be grateful for, and thankful for. Because of you, and the positive changes you have made the family is now taking some note and eating better. Your cooking is improving, and actually really nice. Your soups are divine, and your blueberry, raspberry, protein powder, spinach, chia seeds smoothies are delightful. EVERYONE LOVES THEM!

You are more flexible too...it didn't go unnoticed in the bedroom. Your words are kinder, more caring. It is wonderful to see you taking care of you for a change.

You can't change what may be happening around you, but you can change what you think and what you do. You are learning to choose healthy for you. The madness is all still there, but you have allowed it to be there, but you don't have to be controlling it and apart of it.  Some things will be, and as long as you are aware and stay true to yourself, kind to others, and grateful, a ripple will go forth and slowly still those choppy waters.

So keep going.....slow and steady wins this race. You are the tortoise inside the beautiful shell. That hare is going to burn out and look sick before even getting to the finish line. YOU MY LOVELY, are going to cross it looking like a butterfly.

I LOVE YOU.  

Letter #3

Dear Criss,

This week has been interesting. Have you noticed how much impact you actually have on people around you? 

This week you have giving yourself the gift of self love. No not that kind....honestly there is more to self love than masturbation! Geez! I can't take you anywhere..............Although I must say that even your orgasms have improved! 

Back on topic........ 

Has much as the family has been laughing at your antics... you have stayed true and focused on you. Good girl.

Louise Hay has been a big feature this week. A you tube  post on positive affirmations.  "THE POWER OF AFFIRMATIONS"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5RlOYG0V6TE#aid=P6JQBnvTUxA

Affirmations like....

I am willing to love my body
I love my body more everyday
I greet my body with love every morning
My body is beautiful
I become more beautiful everyday
I love the way I look
I love the way my body is changing
I love the way I feel
I feel fantastic
I have a beautiful smile
I have a sparkling personality
I am a magnet for joy
I am healthy
I become more healthy everyday
I have lots of energy
I enjoy my body
I appreciate my body
My body takes me everywhere easily and effortlessly
I take good care of my body


...and see what happened to you when hubby walked in on you saying these affirmations out loud......you didn't shy away, you didn't  run away  hiding with embarrassment... NO...........

You stood tall, looked him in the eye and repeated loudly I HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SMILE............and what did he say? What were his words?

"Yes you do, you have an amazing smile"

That smile has transformed your week.

At work customers have commented on how sweet you are, how lovely  you are, how happy you always look. They come through your register because they like to be around you. One customer even went to see your boss....what a buzz. Why? To express how they love shopping in the store now , and how I make such a difference to their day. It was a shock to have the store manger come and thank you in person for excellent customer service... but you did like the acknowledgement, despite the fact that you were just being yourself, and not following store code of how to greet a customer.......don't worry I won't tell your boss!

You did that. You matter to perfect strangers. You matter to your husband. You matter to your children. You matter to your pets.....even though dancing naked in front of them might have long term ill effects, but for now they seem to be still acting normal....time will tell I guess!

You have such tremendous LOVE. You care so deeply for people. It is what makes you, you. I love that about you. It is what others like about you too. People trust you, you have the ability to allow people in, and they feel comfortable around you. Maybe it is because you are not fake, or plastic, or maybe it is because you can see, you can feel.... you understand what it means to be sad, hurt, lonely...... so much lack of empathy in this world.

So this week you let that sparkle out...and wow what  a surprise.

It was light. Pure light.

I like how you are so demonstrative. You can't hide your feelings. You are not afraid to hug a stranger in the middle of a supermarket. It is such a joy to see what a difference you make to their lives. Some of these people have no one in their lives, you have been given the lucky privilege to learn parts of their lives. Their highs, their lows, and now the list of customers has grown so big, that some shifts seem more like a social gathering. Now they put shit on you, and each other, just as much as you dish it, and it's fun, and you all laugh, and they smile. 

I love that they smile. I love that they make you smile. When you smile your whole face lights up, your eyes shine, and you look younger.

That inner beautiful woman gets to come out through that smile and dance on your face. 

Have you noticed your confidence has grown too?

Even you boss greeted you with "Good morning Smiley" Now that took you by surprise didn't it! 

What else?

You got a visit from 'Aunty Flow", someone said they embraced this. That having a period was a celebration of womanhood. I know you don't see it that way, but you can be grateful for your uterus. It allowed you to bring into the world 3 beautiful children. That can't be so bad hey?


Still drug free too. FANTASTIC. This time last year you couldn't even move without epic pain. Off work for 8 whole weeks, couldn't drive, couldn't wash or dress without help....and now look.....you are dancing!

I know the weight is still not shifting as you would like, but it is just a shell. It's just the outside. The magic is just under the surface, and in time you will discover just how to harness that power and free that inner woman. In the meantime remember that the way you look makes no difference to all those people who have grown to care about you.

You are NOT UNLOVABLE....YOU ARE LOVED!

Now keep SMILING!

letter #2

Dear Criss,

I woke up this morning with this feeling of restlessness. I am feeling manic, and agitated, and have no real explanation why? Maybe I am about to get my period? It's been a long while since the last....it's possible? PMS? Who the fuck understands me any more? I am supposed to be writing positive healing letters to myself, and my head is full of self loathing, and nit picking criticisms, and negative hate speech. Someone soon is going to have to call in the United Nations and place some punishing sanctions on my ass.

Why is it I can be kind, caring, understanding, supportive, to EVERYONE else but me?

Why do I do that to myself Criss?

Is it some left over guilt trip from my childhood? My mother's constant teasing, and supportive messages of self esteem shattering thoughts? 

"You are an idiot" 

"You are dumb"

"No nice guy will ever want you"

"You can't do anything right"

"You can't cook"

"You are a hopeless mother"


Yet I always tried to do better, I always was working to gain her love and approval. I was the good kid. The one who wasn't going to get knocked up before I got married. I didn't smoke, take drugs, get tattoos. I went to church each Sunday with her till the day I got married. I even got married the way she wanted me too. I was never good enough for her. She even chose a child sex offender over your love and support, and sent you away with the words "YOU ARE SHIT STUCK TO THE BOTTOM OF MY SHOE I CAN'T KICK OFF" 


But Criss I know that it wasn't true. These issues are hers not yours. She had her own battles. You loved her despite them. That is what makes you a better person. You have love. You showed them all. You met a nice guy, a man who saw you, and not just the part between your legs. He waited for you, he loves you, he listens, supports you. He is your only real friend in this whole wide world. More a friend than you are to yourself. 


I understand you have this drive to be perfect. To be the good wife, the good mother, the good friend...you put everyone before you, and then you shut down. You get angry. You get sad. WHY? Cause you forgot about you. That little girl inside you that is forever trapped at 8 years of age. That girl, sweet , funny, cute, cheeky, full of questions, of life and adventure.  That girl who was so trusting that she never would have thought that anyone would hurt her the way they did. SHE is still not very trusting of you. 

You have to take care of her now. You are her mother, her sister, her friend. She is safe now. You can protect her. You have protected her, and not only her, your own kids too. You are a lioness. Your lion and your cubs are your world. You chose to break the pattern. YOU SAID THIS SHIT STOPS HERE......NO MORE! And you did it. That is amazing.


Your kids are NORMAL, HAPPY kids. Be proud of that.


Stop feeling guilty. Guilty cause you have PCOS, because you are fat  blah blah boo whooo. Suck it up princess.


Yes you have this illness, but you didn't give up. Give yourself some credit. You found help, you looked for answers. So what that you gave in for a few years....you woke up and said NO this is not what I want and you bloody well did something.....now look at how far you have come! So you are not a size 10, but you are  healthier. Baby steps. Rome was not built in a day. It took 44 years to get here, it won't take 2 weeks to get back.


This morning I could not shake the guilt of first not wanting our last baby. I didn't. I had a baby and a child, a husband with no work, debt to the eyeballs, and just started a new job, a second job. 2 weeks in and I am throwing up. I say it's just nerves, stress, new job, baby, old job, juggling, stressing, lack of sleep, so much to remember. But this happened before. Your last job. For 6 weeks you stressed, you hated it, the people treated you badly. They lied in the interview and said that it was just 1 full day a week. You thought that would be good, and it fit nicely with the other  job, but then they wanted more, asked you to work 3 months full time....which meant turning in your other job of 10 years......you said no. You did the right thing. Always so loyal. They would have let you go after that, it was only to cover a maternity leave spot. Your gut warned you, you are very good at that. So they fired you, despite the fact you were doing exactly everything you where hired to do plus. 

Remember how happy you felt, how relived...you got your period that night. It was the first in ages. You where in so much pain, cramps, and the blood, so much blood. You thought it was just because of your body. The PCOS. You have never had a period like that since.

A week later talking with a friend about what happened over coffee, she became alarmed. She said that what I described was exactly like the miscarriage she had. I was like no way....I can't have babies......

When she left I thought of my past few weeks. Tender boobs, peeing all the time, throwing up.....it was all just stress right?


So I went to doctor, it was too late to know for sure, but he believed the chances were I did miscarry.

I wasn't sure how to take it. I didn't know I was pregnant. So it wasn't like I..... it was just so strange.

Then almost a few weeks later  you score another part time job. Here you are again. All the family eggs in your basket and you can see that you are not cut out for this job. DEBT COLLECTION in a bank. Great work environment, but the job was so heartless, cold, mean.....NOT ME. It was the anti-me.

You are again stressing. Then the throwing up starts again. This time you buy a pregnancy test. But you don't use it. You hide it the cupboard and say nothing. Then you have a craving so bad for salt and vinegar chips at work that you have to buy some. You enjoy the taste so much, that someone jokes about you being knocked up.........

That night you think hard about the test. Last time you stressed so much, that you killed the baby. Well that is silly, but I know that is what you think. You know that it is best to use in the morning. It is most likely too soon to tell anyway. Morning is the strongest time to catch that hormone. But you figure that if you are, it will show up any time of day, and that you are most likely not, I mean really , YOU CAN'T HAVE KIDS remember!

So you pee on the stick. Within moments you are staring at 2 blue lines.

You are not thrilled. You are scared. You are almost 36 years old....too old for this. There is no room in the house for another baby? We'd have to move...can't afford that..... I just stated a new job.

I call my sister......big mistake. She blankets me in OH CRISS, at your age....what are you going to do......you can't afford it???? She is so like my mother, I don't why I thought I could lean on her.......but hubby was out. I had to talk to someone, and a 2 year old and 8 year old just wouldn't get it.

When hubby gets back I tell him. He is so happy. I feel ashamed. I feel so ashamed that I thought I was making life so much harder, and only thinking about another mouth to feed.


He made me feel happy too, "We will be OK.....you'll see...it will be OK"

So I went to the doctors to confirm the test. After a few days I called the surgery and was told YES congratulations.......Remember Criss how happy the kids and hubby were. 

Hubby started cooking the BBQ. A real treat back then. Special occasions only. I had been feeling really well all day. I allowed myself hope, and joy, and then went to the loo and discovered I was bleeding.

Within 5 mins of hanging up the phone to my doctor, I was back on crying and asking him what I should do???

At that moment I realised just how much I already loved this baby. MY BABY. 

The next 14 hours were the longest of our life. My boobs stopped hurting. I didn't throw up. I didn't feel pregnant any more.  I had to call my new boss and explain that I wasn't going to be in and why. I figured that would be the end of this job. 2 weeks in and I am knocked up. But they were kind, and supportive. 

I lay awake all night thinking that I did this. I made this happen. I didn't want a baby now. So God was taking it from me.

I didn't speak, I lay on our bed and cried softly." Please don't die little one, fight, I love you"

The next morning hubby took me to the hospital and we had the ultrasound to see if the baby was still alive or if it had indeed died like the last. I took comfort in that the blood was not heavy, but blood is blood.

When that heart beat showed up, strong, I still remember, I cried, hubby cried, it was amazing. The blood was old. It was from before. Left over...dark. My body was cleaning itself, making room for this new life.


It's not your fault you baby has allergies, or ADHD. It isn't because you didn't want him. You kept him alive...despite the few other scares along the way, and the resulting 6 weeks early birth to save his life. So when he is struggling , just be there, don't blame yourself. That's crazy stuff......he is going to be just fine.

Why do you hurt yourself like this? It would have happened anyway. 


So enough of this negative shit Criss. 

You are a good person.
You make a difference to peoples lives.
You can make people laugh.
You have so much love.
You care.
You care too much.
You haven't given up your faith.
You are healing from the inside out.
You are a good wife.
You are a good mother.
You have morals.
You just need to keep believing in yourself.


It is not a BAD LIFE......it is just a down day.......


Now go out there and be grateful for all you have, and for how far you have come. 

You never stop being you, and that is priceless.

I LOVE YOU CRISS.

I LOVE YOU. 


Be a good friend to yourself.

Love Letter Challenge........................

I know it's been a while. Much has been happening. School battles have been fort and won. Swimming lessons booked, and started. School routine in full motion. After school play dates had. Work has gone through some major staff changes.  Tragic events have unfolded, and we have had to say goodbye to some lovely people, some for a while and some sadly forever. Hurtful moments started to heal. Changes are happening.

Life is this ocean of never ending waves.................. 

I have been doing a study course of late. One on my condition PCOS. Through this I have been learning a lot about why my body does what it does, and how food can dramatically help make positive changes. It's been very full on, and between the mummy thing, the work thing, and the wife thing, finding time to sit down and not fall asleep to study has been a very big challenge. 

Already , I have made huge progress in improving my health. I lost some weight, I have been feeling healthier, and I am currently off all my back medications, and have been like this for 3 weeks. No joke.

I am Insulin Resistant. My body makes too much. Different to a dietetic. When I eat foods that have sugar, or the capacity to turn to sugar, such has rice pasta, bread.....My body goes ape with pumping out insulin. It pumps out more than I can deal with, and what happens is my body stores all the sugar and refuses to let me burn it, like other normal people who can hit the gym, or walk and rid themselves of excess calories. Basically it's keeping me fat. 

Then of course with excess weight comes other health issues, so you get into this never ending catch 22. I shall add a link on Wheat Belly. It explains why people are fatter today than they were 40 years ago, and why we are more unhealthy, and it has nothing to do with lifestyle or choices. If you are suffering high cholesterol, or blood pressure. Are maybe fat around the middle, or at risk of type 2 diabetes.  Maybe you have skin rashes, or allergies?? Watch this, it may give you some answers, it may help you get better.

https://www.youtube.com/embed/UbBURnqYVzw


Anyway enough about that. 


In my PCOS course, a challenge has been set to write a love letters to yourself. A lot women have had abusive pasts, or trauma, and there also seems to be a big link between this and fat. So as part of the healing journey we must re-learn to love ourselves.

So here goes............... For the next few weeks I will write to myself, and tell myself what I think. I must look at myself not through the eyes of CRISS, but through the eyes of others.... This isn't going to be an easy task for me, which is why I have put if off for several weeks already. So don't laugh...........




Dear Criss,

I just wanted to say that I am proud of you. You have really stepped up, and taken action to change things you thought were unchangeable. I know the progress is slow, and you would like the results to be more dramatic, but you are not giving up, and that takes will power and guts, and you have that. Well done.

Your butt is starting to become more squishy, it feels softer, and is nice to touch. Your husband is noticing, that must make you feel really good? It should. You hair is longer and healthy. You are not has moody or tired. Well done.


I'll be watching your progress, and I am looking forward to seeing what happens next. But don't get all hung up on the weight loss. It is not about the weight loss. It is about the health. It is about staying around for your kids. You love your family like life itself.


Do not forget to keep loving you. Love yourself as much as you love them. 

You deserve this Criss. You are a good person.


HUGS xx

TO SHAVE OR NOT TO SHAVE.......is it all a man's fault?

My hubby found this article and was again upset about the fact that women are blaming men for all the horrid things we do to our bodies to please them. I shall pop the link in here and share with you the story, and my honest reply.

I would be curious to hear your thoughts on this.........

http://www.dailylife.com.au/news-and-views/dl-opinion/when-pubic-hair-becomes-a-lifestyle-choice-20140203-31wrr.html



"It seems the Brazilian is over with its less appreciated cousin, the fur coat, back in the game. With proud bushes sprouting up everywhere from American Apparel to Lena Dunham's Girls to photographic projects and even Cameron Diaz’s debut book, the free-and-easy look is de jour once more.

I can’t remember the first time I endured the torture of a bikini wax. I imagine I blocked the experience from my memory as a means of warding off PTSD.

Because no matter what your pubic stylist tells you, it does not become less painful with time. The hair does not grow back thinner and finer, as if with enough visits you’ll suddenly find that it all disappears in a puff of smoke. You do not get “four to six weeks” of respite until wispy fuzz begins to appear on the common. Your pubes will not return as a fine layer of powdered snow on a gentle ground cast glistening under the stillness of a winter’s starry sky.

Artist Petra Collins was deleted from Instagram because of this image of a model with, shock, public hair. Image via dailydot.com
Artist Petra Collins was deleted from Instagram because of this image of a model with, shock, pubic hair. Image via dailydot.com

If you’re lucky, you’ll get four to six days of hairlessness that, while temporarily smooth, makes your downstairs look like a plucked spatchcock.

ADVERTISEMENT 
But look, that’s just my experience. And far be it from me to advise other women against it. Hair, or the lack thereof, is a personal choice. Strip yourself bare or go full wilderness - whatever makes you happy. It’s your spatchcock, after all.

And so while I personally embrace news that the Brazilian torture industry is on its way out, I’m less enthusiastic about the reasons why. Unfortunately, attempts to reinstate the popularity of hair while redefining it as fashionable are just as silly as previous attempts to make it Verboten - especially when that advocacy is coming from companies whose ultimate goal is to make money.

Sure, American Apparel’s creative director sounds good when she says, “everybody’s got it all backward. Pubic hair isn’t a trend, removing it is. It’s like everybody’s suddenly acting like having hair is a new idea.”

Isn’t that refreshingly progressive? I mean, doesn’t that just sound like American Apparel is the kind of au naturale company that loves women and supports their natural bodies? And wouldn’t those natural bodies just look so great in the ‘semitransparent mesh lingerie’ American Apparel are selling for Valentine’s Day? It’s not as if American Apparel has had a heinous history of sexualising women’s bodies, or being dictatorial about the limited expressions of beauty demanded in their retail staff.

The problem with taking a fairly mundane activity - in this case, removing or growing hair that naturally appears on your pubic area in varying levels of ferocity - and fetishising a particular expression of it is that it still forces women to operate in the shame economy that is the beauty industry.

Instead of allowing them to live in their bodies as they see fit, free of judgment from others, their choices are still up for discussion by people with exactly zero to do with them.

Now we have well respected, progressive comics like Rob Delaney saying he was ‘horrified’ when he first saw a bald vagina - as if the contemplation of women’s bodies by men has been a field sorely underrepresented.

Meanwhile, the natural look is now being lauded as the domain of ‘eco- and health-minded women’, with Angela Kia Kim (owner of Savor Spa in the West Village) telling the New York Times, ‘the grown look certainly suits a girl who is more au naturel’. Because how you treat your pubic hair is clearly a reflection on your depth and values as a human being - especially when accompanied by the kind of class privilege that can see you afford regular visits to an upmarket New York spa.


In or out, proud or shrouded, I don’t care. It’s just hair and what you choose to do with it has no reflection on your worth as a person. As long as that choice is being informed by your desires and no one else’s, who cares whether or not you like to lay naked in the wind or hide your light under a bushel?"


So that was the story........... here is what hubby said..............

"Check this out for a complete non-story! And of course, men are to blame! Again!"



So I replied................

The women in the comments section, did have men in their lives that were of the liking of a hair free snatch. And some men do enjoy a hairless fanny, but in truth I think most men really don't care. Porn pushed the alien look, and people have become a accustomed to seeing that as normal and what is considered beautiful. Let's face it..... A LOT of women in porn are Beautiful Fit Hot looking women.......That is why you watch right? No man wants to see the average woman (aka) someone who looks like me for example rip her clothes off and do the business with anyone......not even I want to see that! But the article was not blaming Men. It was more having a go and the fashion industry. In the 80's the Mullet hair cut was considered hot. A man with a mullet was what we all wanted , YES? (and no I never liked it even back then!) Now 30 years later we look back and say WHAT WAS EVERYONE ON? It was YUCK. But it was fashion, and everyone was doing it, and so it was accepted truth. The Brazilian is the same fashion trendy thing. I never saw the beauty in it, I think a neat trimmed bush is sexy, but that is just me. I also think men should have pubic hair, and body hair. Men should not shave their legs unless they have a sport reason to do so, and unless you have wall to wall carpet all over your body, don't do anything. YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO LOOK LIKE A WOMAN!


So no, men are not to blame. Fashion trends and clever marketing are. The men and women who took on the trend are no different to the anyone who buys goods because someone tells them that without it you will not be happy, your life will suck, and all awesome things will come your way if you do....and wait there is more, they will also thrown in a curling iron and no extra price!


Personally I always wondered about how long that look lasted. And if you have ever had a bikini wax you will understand that it is not the most pleasant experiences on this world. If you have very sensitive soft thin skin in that area , you can be left bleeding and with bruising.... which I have experienced each time I have attempted a wax both professionally and on my own. Less trauma when done by the professionals, but damage all the same, which is why the thought of going all the way made me think it was just a world of pain I didn't want to experience. Then the re-growth.........it itches. I have imagines women scratching like crazy......in grown hairs too.....OUCH! Then prickly hair growing back....would that leave a type of pash rash in reverse?? Maybe that's just me over thinking. 


 But answer me this honestly..........Would you agree that most women want to look attractive to a man? They actually want to be desired, called pretty, beautiful, lovely.......so we try and do whatever we can to make sure we stay within the structure of what is deem acceptable beauty. Lets be honest....I have never heard anyone say....(either men or women).........Look at her....wow hot.....to a woman of average size and fitness, with upper lip hair (all be it fine hair), dark hairy legs, untrimmed pubes that are escaping out of her bikini bottoms, and when she lifts her arms up in the air, huge thick bushes of dark hair are making cloud puffs in her arm pits! NO I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT A NATURAL WOMAN. Society shuns them. It would make no difference if she is the most perfect woman on the planet......a man would not see past the shell.



So we all have....men and women..... have become accustomed to grooming in a particular way that is accepted as OK in the mainstream suburbia. We all want to be liked. I wonder how man found women hot in the caveman time period? But this is not new fashion. Women have removed their hair to be beautiful since the days of Cleopatra, and before that too. Men like the way we look when hair is gone from out face and arm pits and legs. It makes us look less like a man. We like the look too. So it is a win win. I wonder what would happen when no more razors, tweezers, and wax were around, and everyone was forced to go about as they were always meant to look. Wouldn't we all look hairy and scary. lol  I wonder if we would still find ourselves attractive then?

Please Vote:

My Hubby  has entered an on line model competition and he needs votes. So if you could spare 5 secs to pop over to the link below, like the site and vote for him I would very much appreciate it.  Please feel free to share the links to help him get the votes he needs. He has worked really hard on this and he deserves something good.  THANK YOU 


..............................................................................................................................................................

My Me-262 plastic model has been entered into an online vote competition so I need as many votes as I can get! The site is here:

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.764166333597076.1073741842.413684768645236&type=1

https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.764166333597076.1073741842.413684768645236&type=1


My model can be found here:

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?

fbid=778762602137449&set=a.764166333597076.1073741842.413684768645236&type=3&theater

Holy crap can we just wipe out the last few days please............................

It has been an emotional roller coaster the past few days. For many reasons, and hence why I have been so vacant around here.

I am going to vent a little, cause I am female, and we vent, it's what we do....what can I say , it is like art really...... but I don't what to dwell on the negative and forget that life isn't still full of positive good nice things too.

 My hubby came home from work the other night, and decided to ask our teenage daughter some deep questions. This came from his basic love for his daughter. A dad looking out for his kid, and making sure that she wasn't getting herself into something that was going to hurt her. She has already had 1 serious relationship, which wasn't good, and just after a 3 month stint at being single, threw herself into another. This boy we have met only 3 times. We hear only what comes out of Missy's mouth, and a lot of what she says is very much a cause for alarm for us. So basically he was trying to find out what her self worth was, and whether she thought this relationship, and all that it has to offer, was what she thought she deserved.

 Well, what then came from our daughters mouth, was something neither of us expected. What it all boiled down to was that she blames us for being POOR. She blames us for living in a RENTED HOUSE. She is ASHAMED to bring her friends over because it is TOO BORING here. She is a shamed of the WORK we do, and resents us both having to work evenings for 2 years 5 years ago, forcing her to babysit her little brothers, which we struggled to put food on the table. She HATES that my back is fucked, wishes her brother didn't have ADHD, and basically if she could afford to she would move out.

 Let me point out that the new boyfriend is what we would call RICH. Already has investments in his own home, and is working long hours in the building trade, and has a bright future a head. His mother is dating a millionaire, who owns his own small island. His dad and his new wife (#3) are in real estate. Get the picture. But this boy, only sees our daughter when it suits him. calls her when it suits him, and many a time she has been annoyed because he has ignored her on face book, but chatted to mutual friends. She just doesn't seem like a young woman in LOVE?? He has told her he'd like to be a father one day, but now is not that time, and should she fall pregnant , he would insist on her having an abortion. The family is different to ours. Not just money status, but moral. They poke fun at people for amusement. Racists really. They do not have issues with under age drinking/ partying....they are just different. NOT BAD, just not like us.

 Since dating this boy, our daughter is changing. She is turning into someone we don't like much, which as a parent is scary. How can you not like your own child? But the blow she hit has been a deep wound, and has hurt both of us very much.  I have no idea what happened to our beautiful baby girl? Nor do I know if she will ever come back?  

 Kids! you try so hard , you give them all you can, and they are still never happy. Our boys are hard done by because I insist they shower everyday, and brush there teeth! Man what is it with boys and not wanting to wash?

Every night it's the same battle. FFS so over it! 

 The other night I thought I would escape the world and run a bath....

I had been trying to find my own space since coming home from work. Finally I leave child 3 watching Willy Wonka and go run myself a nice bubble bath. I figured since I have been able to again pop on my own socks and shoes again,  ( YES ...just this week!!) I would tackle the forest growing on my legs. 

PEACE...........one leg done...................MUM....MUM....oh you are having a bath...can I hop in too... (as he is already getting undressed)

No....I am shaving my legs, and trying to relax.......

Too late he is in....and water in going all over the floor...

So he pulls the plug...............OUT........then freaks because the bath water is going down the drain..................

I sort that out...at great awkward expense...then finish my leg, and get out so he can have the bath to himself.

1 min later he is in my room dripping wet and asking what I am doing now........ lol

 This morning it was let's argue with mum over whether we have brushed our teeth and hair. Might be more effective if you have actually done it, and your hair is neat, and the chocolate milk around your mouth is actually gone! Child nil , mum 1. 

 Then I get home make a cup of tea and sit by the computer to relax, in a hubby free, child free zone........

ENTER THE CAT.....

Cat wants to have pats......cat wants cuddles........one picks up cat and strokes cat affectionately and realises cat has some very smelly dried muck stuck down side of rump. GROSS!

Now have you ever tried to wash an unwilling cat?

Let's just say I won, and cat is now happy licking his clean rump outside in the sun, with not so much as a THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

 Right, so now your thinking I am free to chill and catch up on my space, my peace, my  free mummy time.....

Well I could have been, but I am a Virgo, and we need to be up to date and organised. We got a letter from the Tax office with some basic details wrong. So I called them to correct things............... 45 mins later, paper work all over the floor, 2 phones calls to the Tax Office and 1 to our accountant, and let's just say I am back to where I started.

So after hanging up, I fell completely apart. My tea was now cold. I was emotionally fucked, my head was thumping, and I just let go. I just cried... Too much bullshit for this girl in one week.

kids back chatting, constant shopping, working, cleaning, bill paying, worrying, stressing, heat, no sex life, and just getting the feeling that life is slowly fucking you over........

So I cried....it was my last resort.....which woke up a very tired and run down hubby, who hasn't been well, because he has been stressed too, and working long hours and not getting much sleep, thanks to life, and this bloody heat wave we are  having.

Nothing is better than sharing the load with a friend, and after a long stressful discussion we are both on page with what to do next which is good, despite the way we had to get there. But sometimes bad things actually turn out to be good......

Now hubby is back in bed, and I am about to go to the pool for my Hydro session, which is proving to be wonderful.

Back from Hydro..... the pool was divine. So relaxing to end the session with a nice float on a noodle, then a quick dip. Peace. Just the sound of the water lapping at my ears. Cool sweet water, on such a hot day. BLISS!

Get back home and my nice clean sink is full of dishes. Missy made herself lunch. Nothing wrong with that, just clean up after yourself. Now she is back off to work for the second half of her spilt shift. I asked her to clean up after herself , she said she would, but face book was more important. I shall leave it and see how long it will take?? Trouble is she used the main pot. She made PASTA. could have made a batch for everyone, considering her father is sick, and I am running on fumes, and she was home during the whole TAX phone call.....but no.............Miss I only think of myself, and never bother to say THANK YOU is too high above us....unless she needs a lift to work!

Sorry, long, long day..... boys home , hot and sweaty, and grumpy, and we have a school acquaintance night to go to, and hubby is not feeling really well at all.....so he is going back to bed, in the hopes that he can handle his shift at work tonight. So I shall be tackling that one on my own, (well with child 3, because child 2 & 3 are hell bent on not getting along this afternoon) which is fine, but seriously, once you have been to 1 you really don't need to go to any more. It is nothing  that can not be popped into a newsletter..... just saying!

The other good news I wanted to share was that I have discovered a support group on face book with women who share my condition of PCOS. (Poly-cystic ovarian syndrome.) I am learning so much. Mainly why I haven't been able to loose weight despite all my good eating habits. So with just a few small changes to the diet, and I mean small, I have not gone full hard core as I have a family and they would not enjoy the food I would have to eat, I wouldn't much either....but the point is I have started to slim down. I am over the moon about it. I am not talking huge weight loss, but it's only been 3 weeks.....but enough that I noticed my work uniform is starting to become loose. So I shall keep up the new eating style, and see if this continues. The ladies are a wonderful bunch, and it is nice swapping ideas, and sharing experiences.

A friend of mine sent me these lovely pics last night in an email, and I thought they were just wonderful. 

Well depending on where you are stay cool, or warm...and enjoy the Olympic games. I very much like the figure skating, but whenever I tune in it seems to be men skiing down huge slopes fast. 

And if you are that way inclined enjoy valentines day on Friday.

We do not celebrate valentines day.

I feel it is commercial, and much prefer a sweet gesture when the mood strikes rather than a day of the year dictating when and how.

But if it rocks your world enjoy.

Now back out into the heat to  attend 2 hours of meet and greet between the two boys classes.

Then home to eat, and hopefully chill. I think an early night is on the cards tonight.

YES ,YES ,YES about fucking time!

Feeling much better this morning, and the boys were just perfect angles too. Child 3 even putting away dishes without having been asked to! 

I came across this story on FACE BOOK, and I found myself cheering and clapping.

Check out this link, and tell me if you think this school in NEW ZEALAND has got the right idea.

I think it is fucking fantastic....

I hate this PC "dibba dobba" shit where a kid can't even sneeze without a teacher getting involved.

Day 2 at my boys school and already the bullying has started! Day 2! Also day 2 and my sons teacher has a relief teacher in the class because she as an all day meeting! MEETING DAY 2! these kids are just settleing in to a new year, new teacher and you change it up on day bloody 2! FFS!!!


Any way take a look. 

KIDS NEED TO BE KIDS AND HAVE FUN.....this is how they LEARN!

http://tvnz.co.nz/national-news/school-ditches-rules-and-loses-bullies-5807957

School ditches rules and loses bullies

"Ripping up the playground rulebook is having incredible effects on children at an Auckland school.

Chaos may reign at Swanson Primary School with children climbing trees, riding skateboards and playing bullrush during playtime, but surprisingly the students don't cause bedlam, the principal says.

The school is actually seeing a drop in bullying, serious injuries and vandalism, while concentration levels in class are increasing.

Principal Bruce McLachlan rid the school of playtime rules as part of a successful university experiment.

"We want kids to be safe and to look after them, but we end up wrapping them in cotton wool when in fact they should be able to fall over."

Letting children test themselves on a scooter during playtime could make them more aware of the dangers when getting behind the wheel of a car in high school, he said.

"When you look at our playground it looks chaotic. From an adult's perspective, it looks like kids might get hurt, but they don't."

Swanson School signed up to the study by AUT and Otago University just over two years ago, with the aim of encouraging active play."

care of : ONE NEWS TVNZ.