Are you ready to be a PARENT?

Take the test!

Test 1: Preparation

Women: To prepare for pregnancy

1. Put on a dressing gown and stick a beanbag down the front.

2. Leave it there.

3. After nine months, remove 5 per cent of the beans.

Men: To prepare for children

1. Go to a local chemist. Tip the contents of your wallet on to the counter and tell the pharmacist to help himself.

2. Go to the supermarket. Arrange to have your salary paid directly to its head office.

3. Go home. Pick up the newspaper and read it for the last time.

Test 2: Knowledge

Find a couple who are already parents and berate them about their methods of discipline, lack of patience, appallingly low tolerance levels and how they have allowed their children to run wild.

Suggest ways in which they might improve their child’s sleeping habits, toilet training, table manners and overall behaviour.

Enjoy it. It will be the last time in your life when you will have all the answers.

Test 3: Nights

1.Walk around the living room from 5pm to 10pm carrying a wet bag weighing 4-6kg, with a radio turned to static (or some other obnoxious sound) playing loudly.

2. At 10pm, put the bag down, set the alarm for midnight and go to sleep.

3. Get up at 11pm and walk the bag around the living room until 1am.

4. Set the alarm for 3am.

5. As you can’t get back to sleep, get up at 2am and make a cup of tea.

6. Go to bed at 2.45am.

7. Get up again at 3am when the alarm goes off.

8. Sing songs in the dark until 4am.

9. Put the alarm on for 5am. Get up when it goes off.

10. Make breakfast.

Keep this up for five years — and LOOK CHEERFUL.

Test 4: Dressing small children

1. Buy a real life octopus and string bag with holes in it.

2. Attempt to put the octopus into the string bag so that no tentacles come out of the holes.

Time allowed: five minutes.

Test 5: Cars

1. Forget the BMW. Buy a practical five-door wagon.

2. Buy a chocolate ice-cream cone and put it in the glove compartment. Leave it there.

3. Get a coin. Insert it into the CD player.

4. Take a box of chocolate biscuits. Mash them into the back seat.

5. Run a garden rake along both sides of the car.

Test 6: Going for a walk

1. Wait.

2. Go out the front door.

3. Come back in again.

4. Go out.

5. Come back in again.

6. Go out again.

7. Walk down the front path.

8. Walk back up it.

9. Walk down it again.

10. Walk very slowly down the road for five minutes.

11. Stop, inspect minutely and ask at least six questions about every piece of used chewing gum, dirty tissue and dead insect along the way.

12. Retrace your steps.

13. Scream that you’ve had as much as you can stand, until the neighbours come out and stare at you.

14. Give up and go back in the house.

Test 7: Conversations with children

Repeat everything you say at least five times.

Test 8: Grocery shopping

1. Go to the local supermarket. Take with you the nearest thing you can find to a pre-school child — a fully grown goat is excellent. If you intend to have more than one child, take more than one goat.

2. Buy your weekly groceries — without letting the goat(s) out of your sight.

3. Pay for everything the goat eats or destroys.

Until you can easily accomplish this, do not even contemplate having children.

Test 9: Feeding a one-year-old

1. Hollow out a melon.

2. Make a small hole in the side.

3. Suspend the melon from the ceiling and swing it from side to side.

4. Get a bowl of soggy cornflakes and attempt to spoon them into the swaying melon while pretending to be an aeroplane.

5. Continue until half the cornflakes are gone.

6. Tip the rest into your lap, making sure most of it falls on the floor.

Test 10: TV

1. Learn the names of every character from the In The Night Garden, Barney, Teletubbies and Disney.

2. Watch nothing else on TV for at least five years.

Test 11: Mess

1. Smear peanut butter on to the sofa and jam on to the curtains.

2. Hide a fish behind the stereo and leave it there all summer.

3. Stick your fingers in the flowerbeds, then rub them on clean walls. Cover the stains with crayon.

4. Empty every drawer/cupboard/storage box in your house on to the floor, then proceed with Step 5.
5. Drag random items from one room to another and leave them there.

Test 12: Long trips with toddlers

1. Make a recording of someone shouting ‘Mummy’ repeatedly. 

Important notes: there must not be more than a four-second delay between each Mummy, and include occasional crescendos to the level of a supersonic jet.

2. Play this tape in your car everywhere you go for four years.

Test 13: Conversations with adults

1. Start talking to an adult of your choice.

2. Have someone else continually tug on your skirt hem or shirt sleeve while playing the Mummy tape listed above.

Test 14: Getting ready for work

1. Pick a day on which you have an important meeting.

2. Put on your finest work attire.

3. Take a cup of cream and put one cup of lemon juice in it.

4. Stir.

5. Dump half of it on your nice silk shirt.

6. Saturate a towel with the other half of the mixture.

7. Attempt to clean your shirt with the same saturated towel.

8. Don’t change (you have no time).

9. Go directly to work.

You are now ready to have children. ENJOY!

Something light today..............

Why is it that just before you get your period you feel so incredibly horny??

Well they say a good orgasm helps with menstrual cramps! bahahaha

My hubby would like to know why most men FEAR a 'Strong Woman'? 

This so describes my day, today.

I am excited people. Sunday hubby and I are having a DATE DAY. We are getting the boys babysat and going out to the movies. I can't wait. The movie isn't really anything I know much about except it has Tom Cruise in it, but I don't care. Movie, alone with  my man, and then PIZZA to bring home to the kids. PERFECT.

That is why today I made sure all the chores got done so that we are as free as birds for our date.

Just for the giggle. I do really like this one..........

A little embarrassing........I guess one should really be sure of ones nuts!

Life is too short. It is too fast. We waste so much time fussing over this and that, and living in the past,and worrying about the future that we forget about the present. I am very guilty of the fact. I catch myself doing it all the time.  When I stop and really think about the things I am stressing about, I can rationalise most of them about by counting all the real blessings I have right now. I have a man who loves me. Three children who shouldn't be here, who are healthy, happy, and beautiful. I have pets. I have a roof over my head, and a job. I am blessed.

Be happy people. LOVE lots. Forgive. You have today. Make it count.

Thinking, thinking, thinking............

Having found all my old letters, and my old 5 year diary, which dates backs to 1985, and records my life to 1989, I have been utterly transported through time. It is like a time capsule. Each day a snip of my day. I suppose it only really means something to me, but there in those pages grows a young girl. 

I discovered so many things I had wiped out of my memory. Probably not on purpose, but because life is busy, and so many other more pressing things now fill the spaces of my thoughts, leaving no room for teenage antics lived a life time ago.

The girl I was then, I am still pretty much still here. Older, wiser, less starry eyed, and level headed. But the things I wanted for myself, even at 14-15, I still want or even have now, which is such a blessing.

My husband, is a good man. Sure I may grumble from time to time, and life stresses, work, money , kids, certainly play a huge role in that, but that boy I met all those years ago is still there. He earned my heart. My poor, multi-broken heart, and taught me to believe in myself, to trust, and love again.

Together we grew. We grew more and more in love, and old, and wise and fat! 

He (my wonderful hubby), use to write to me, raw pure honesty. His words still burn through me. Even now. His fears, his love, his pain, his joy. I learnt to trust him, and when I decided that I could let go and fall, knowing he will catch me, my life, my soul, my very breath was now his. This is something  he has now shared protective custody of till this very day.

I do not find it hard to love. We have been tested more than I care for, but I have been there, through the darkest hours, and the brightest sun. I can not imagine being anywhere else. I am afraid he is stuck with me.

But with these old memories, comes a lot of thoughts about my past. My friends. The strong friendships forged through my high school years, and I wonder about them all now.

I tried to look for them on face book, but I can't find them. I guess surnames have changed, and like me they may now live in other places. I still think of them. They still make me smile, and I dearly hope that they are happy, healthy, and have good love in their lives.

There was a boy I really cared for before I met my hubby. This boy and I danced very close to a meaningful relationship. We were friends. Very good friends. He would hold me, and  nibble on my ear lobes. Hold my hand, and save me a seat on the bus everyday. Everyone assumed we were a couple. Even our teachers. I was so madly crazy in love with him, but he never really felt that way about me. It's OK. I grew, I learned more about myself from this boy, and because of him, my now husband, is my husband, because I learned from my mistakes with him, and was more careful with my feelings. You see this was a very important boy in my life. This one broke my heart, shattered it.

Do you ever really forget your first love?

You see he really loved another. I think I was a stand by? I really to this day am not sure what I meant to this boy? She played with his heart for a few years. I was always there, the good mate, the friend. He would get super close, he even told me he loved me once. But the words of commitment never were uttered, and he eventually got his girl, and they married. What happened next I do not know?

I wonder if he is happy, and if they have lots of kids? Are they still together? Is he fat, bald, grey, or the same? 

I apparently shared with him my feelings about my now hubby, all those years ago. He was my friend after all. He told me that if this guy didn't snap me up, he would be a total idiot! Well I guess he wasn't, as I am still here, with him, and still very much in love with him, if not more than I was back then.

When my relationship was new, and things between us were  very much perfect as they are at age 17. Oh come on, 17,  first real proper boyfriend, a guy who actually gives back as much as he gets. Kissing, oh you remember the days when you could kiss for hours and hours.........

Well, this boy chose this time to tell me that he loved me. He was hurting badly. His heart was broken, he was lonely, and his future wife had toyed with his heart, and started dating another. But I was off the market, I was spoken for. But I will never forget that school camp, when we stayed up all night, and spoke bullshit free,about us, for the first time in 3 years. He tempted me. He asked if there might be a chance for him. For years I had longed for these words, but it was too late. 

We laughed, hugged, cried, and got kicked out of the quiet room we had found to talk privately in. It was raining, and he picked me up and carried me across the lawn to yet another empty room, where he cried, and I allowed him to rest his head on my lap, and in a motherly, comforting way, I stroked his hair, and let him cry, until he fell asleep. It was my goodbye. I am not ashamed to say that silent tears fell down my cheeks too.  

I don't remember anything more from that night on. About him I mean. My life was blossoming. I was very honest with my new boyfriend, and about my night with the only other serious man in my life. It almost ended us. He was so hurt, so torn, so afraid of loosing me. Thankfully he wrote me a letter, and I was able to tell him without a shadow of a doubt that he was the one I chose, and he is still my choice. I meant it, I'm still here aren't I?

I did question it. For just a brief moment. What if? It would have been a huge mistake, he would have only broken my heart again. It was his pattern. He loved her. That is why. You can't help who you fall in love with, and I am happy that he got his girl in the end. I hope he got his happy ever after too. We all deserve that.

I am glad of my loyalty, and of my moral code. I promised my new man my heart, and he had done nothing but love me, why trust someone who had promised happy days before, only to strip them away whenever someone else drifted by?

I don't hate him at all. I never hated him. I still have our photos, cards, notes, and I think fondly of our friendship. I just wonder. He has just vanished off the planet. I had a dream about my old friends, and I can't shake this feeling that he is dead. 

A few years ago I tracked down my best friend from high school. Without her friendship in those years I would never have gotten through. I still have all her letters too. Re-reading some of those really made me laugh. She was very special to me. She married this boys brother. You see they were twins. We had planned to be friends forever, and have double weddings! We were 15 years old! Young girls can dream can't they? 

She is still married, and has 3 lovely children like me.  But after a few letters, we moved, and she moved, and she isn't on face book. It wasn't around then, nor was the common usage of mobile phones and text messages. I have since tracked down her eldest daughter and we made brief contact through her, but her life is very busy, and so is mine, but I think of her often. I remember her birthday each year, (16th Jan), and I wish her a happy birthday, and hope she is enjoying her family. I also remember the twins too, (29th Apr), I think of them on their birthdays as well. Not long, just a moment. But I do. Silly really, I guess. But I never forget the people I have cared about.

She told me of our other friends, the ones she still sees, and they have all married, and have all had 3 kids. Which is really funny. I was so happy to hear the news, and at peace knowing that they are all doing fine. But she never mentioned him. Not once, not an hint, a throw away comment, nothing. They are twins, brothers??? Odd. I think it is. He is the one person from that time I want to know about. But nothing, completely skipped over the question about how is he?

She always looked out for me, when we were growing up. We chatted for hours on the phone about boys, crushes, homework, school, family, everything. We told each other everything. She knew, as did her man,(well they were twins, shared a room, he knew his brother), all about us, especially my feelings on the whole matter. It was mostly them convincing me to not give up. "He likes you, he is shy, we don't understand him either, he really does like you, I think he is going to ask you this week!"

Well he did, kind of, once before that camp night. He rang me and asked me to be his date at a mutual friends 16th. I was on cloud nine. At the party he forgot what he had rang me about a few days before, and pretty much avoided me the whole night. My diary states that my best friend  told him off, but I really don't remember. I rose above though, according to my diary, and I do have good memories of laughing and having fun with my girlfriends at this party. But I had utterly forgotten the phone call and the supposed date! Maybe it was all too painful at the time? But it was the start of the end of my door mat girl waiting routine. As hard as it was to move on, I did, even had a few more crushes happen, but I always stayed his friend. I never stopped caring.

Anyway, I just can't help shake this feeling that something isn't right. It is eating away at me.

Silly maybe, I do not wish to make contact, but  it would be nice to know that he is happy, and still married to his girl, how his life turned out, and is he as happy as me. Is he ALIVE?  

I really hope this is all just stirred up memories from re-reading my letters and diary. It was just a dream after all, just a dream. I hope and pray they are all happy. I will never forget them. Ever.

We were after all the TFM girls ~ I wont explain, but if she ever reads my blog she will understand. She was my best friend, and I loved her to bits.

Now I must wake my man so he can get ready to take our baby son to his appointment in the city. I will be here sorting washing, and dishes, and cooking.  Then when he returns with both our boys from school, it is off to work for me. Late night tonight. No rest for the wicked!  

After that, I will come home and wrap my arms around the man who took my heart and kept it for the last 26 years. I don't mind, I like that he has it.

Now off the computer and do some work!

Hope your day is treating you well.

I shall try an put all these thoughts back in my box. It's just the fact that I don't know. I just never saw him again, once school ended. Never. My curiosity is peaking. Just wish I knew how he is.

Feeling Nostalgic today..........

 The other day I was busy looking for an drawing that my dad drew many  years ago. It is very special to me as my dad had an accident when I was 12 years old and he died from his injuries.

While trying to remember where I had put them,(I knew they were safe, but it just wasn't where I thought I had left them), I came across a box with all my old cards, and letters, and love letters from Hubby back when we were courting. Along with my diary. Well I sat down and began reading, and I was taken back. 

It's no wonder I married this man, as he was so sweet and romantic, and just plain yummy. I had forgotten just how much he had poured out his heart to me. He swept me off my feet.

I cried, and I laughed, and I couldn't stop grinning. I was on a mushy high for several days.

Which lead me to looking for these pictures. I started to Google the places of my youth, the places that meant special things to me, and I would like to share them with you.

Sydney- Centre Point Tower

over looking the harbour.

 Inside the tower on the top floor.

This is the sight of our first 'Un-Offical' date. This young man basically told me I had to be in the car that morning. He and my brother were friends you see. They along with another mate of ours, were going to see the big ships coming into the harbour. The Queen was there, I do remember seeing Prince Phillip. I forget now what the occasion was. All I remember is this guy whom I'd crushed on for weeks had asked me to go somewhere with them, and he really wanted me to be there. REALLY.

I remember begging my mum to let me go, stating that my brother would be there to watch out for me.

Well my brother didn't do much for me that day. I now realise he was in on the act. I had no money, and with all the excitement of just being allowed to go into the city without a parent, I was just more concerned as to what to wear. Well a girl needs to think of these important things at 17!

Thankfully, my crush, bought me lunch, and drinks, and even paid for me to go to the top of the tower to view the harbour. I had never been there. Way too expensive for my mother. He then on the journey home, sat in the back seat of the car with me while my brother rode shot gun, as our other mate drove us home. 

The whole ride home, which was an hour and a half, he played 'The Cars' greatest hits, and sang and acted out the words, and made me giggle all the way home. I don't even remember what my brother and his mate were doing in the front. Most probably rolling their eyes!

The Regent Cinema

The venue of our first real date. He asked me to the movies to see 'ALIENS'. I know, not the most romantic of flicks, but he is a huge 'Alien' fan, and he couldn't wait to see it. 

I remember he came to pick me up, and we went back to his house where he cooked me dinner. I couldn't help, I had to sit in the lounge room and watch TV. I was really nervous. It was my first proper alone real date.

I had never been to his house alone before, and not has his girlfriend. I wasn't sure if he was going to try anything I wasn't ready for.

But true to his promise, he was a complete and utter gentleman. I wore my red dress, with white heels. I had a body to die for back then.  Not that I appreciated it till now. I thought of myself as fat. Silly , silly girl! His face when he saw me made my skin tingle.

I remember it was cold, and he took off his jacket and let me wear it. 

Wollongong Harbour

Just to the right of this picture is a children's playground. The night of my graduation we went there with a bunch of friends. We had been to a party, and I had been drinking the nicest orange juice I had ever tasted. It was 3 am, and we were all very happy to be finally over with school. I wanted a turn on the kiddy horse and I knocked my now hubby right off it. You see I was a wee bit tipsy. Never had I drank before, and a few of my male 'FRIENDS' thought it would be a hoot to spike my juice with VODKA! I was so sick the next day. Thankfully it didn't hurt the relationship any, and my then boyfriend took good care of my hangover the next day.

The Mall

So many Thursday nights after school dates spent here walking around, having a bite to eat, and looking at the shops. Stealing a kiss or two. Good times. It was also where he bought Ric Ocasek's new single "Emotion in Motion" which was the song he was playing the first time a told him I loved him.

 Wollongong harbour

Many hours spent here. The harbour where we would get Mr Whippy ice-cream, and wander about the rock pools, and talk, and talk for hours. We would sit in the picnic huts near the light house and make out.

 Towradgi Pools

The pool where we lay on beach towels for hours listening to music, and talking, and kissing, and made loving gooey eyes at each other until we both were lobster red with the worst sunburn I have ever had in my LIFE! We are talking blisters on and in my ears, and all over, and the same with him. Important lesson learned for both of us that day. SUN-BLOCK!

Very near the section of the beach where my then boyfriend was trying to teach me to skim stones across the water. Well I found a great stone, and I stood and threw it has I'd been shown across the water. I looked out to the sea and I couldn't understand why I didn't see my stone make it's bounce, or splash into the water. 

My boyfriend was standing a fair way behind me, and I turned to him,puzzled over where the stone had gone. I saw him laying on the ground, both hands clutched around his 'best friend', and he was in utter pain. 

It took me several seconds to work out what had happened. When I did I couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't that I was happy I had defied the laws of physics, it is just that when I do something, even though I am really sorry, sometimes I can't help laugh. I couldn't have planned it. It was just a freak fluke. One I have never been allowed to forget. It still makes me laugh.


Even to this day I am banned from skimming stones anywhere near him.

Pay back came a year later when just past these pools, we were looking at rock pools, and my darling boyfriend, yells over to me that he found us some lunch. 

I look up and see a dead seagull coming towards me. Now the fact that it was dead and yuck is one thing, but you see I also have a fear of birds. So I SCREAMED, and fell into a rock pool resulting in my ankle spraining. He felt so bad. He carried me off the beach and took me straight to the doctors. I wasn't mad, it was funny. Well not in those first few seconds, but later, when my foot was all bandaged up, and we were cuddling watching videos.

Kiama Blow Hole

Getting ready...1...2...3...

BLOW!

Many happy weekend drives here. We have nothing like this here were we live now. Even as a kid, my parents would drive down the coast to this beach just to see the blow hole. 

Broker's Nose

I lived at the bottom of this mountain, and it was the view from my back yard.

One day, my now hubby took me bush walking and we walked to the very top. It was a fantastic day. We had lunch on the trail, and I had to even go pee in the bush. That wasn't fun, and it took  a lot of convincing from my man that it would be safe, and OK. In the end my bladder won, and following his careful instructions, I didn't end up with wet pants!

The view from the top, was well worth the few hours climb. My childhood home was down there. We kissed up there, and I think we may have even added our initials to the rock. It was a day I will never forget. For that night was the first time I experienced my first orgasm. I do believe even hubby still has fond memories of that day.

Honey Moon bay

The beach where we spent the most romantic day of our lives. WHY I hear you ask?

Well....................

..............................see this light house. It is the light house at Jervis Bay. The beach is a short drive down the hill. Just to the left of this picture is a fence. Just over that fence something very magical happened.

Here, on the very top, my boyfriend, who I loved with all my heart, took me to have what I though was going to be a special picnic.

Here ever close to the edge, we sat. As you can see it is a long way down. I don't think people are supposed to go past the fence, but that is were we were.

He during our lunch, and between fits of giggles, and romantic kisses, he got up and cleared a space on our rug. He then got down on one knee. He then asked me to marry him, in the most loving speech I have ever heard him speak. He handed me a small black velvet box and place it in my hand.

I was speechless, which for me is something, and I had happy tears in my eyes.

I think I made him nervous as I didn't say anything at first.

"Well??" he nervously asked.

"YES............YES........YES...........YES..........YES!"

I nervously opened the box, fearful I wouldn't like the ring. I have very simple tastes, and I do not like BIG ROCKS. I didn't have anything to do with the choosing of this ring. 

It was BEAUTIFUL. PERFECT. I couldn't have chosen anything better myself.

We joke about the place now. He tells me if I had said no, he would have pushed me off! I think he is joking?? lol

Three years later, we got married here at my church, and childhood school. I wasn't a nervous bride, and I couldn't wait to get down that long aisle and stand next to my man. He was grinning like he won the lottery, and I believe I may have been too.

We don't live here any more, and I wonder if we will ever see it again. But I will never forget were it all began.

The rest as they say is history.

(all pictures provided thanks to Google)  

Happy late Easter!

So yeah, it looks like I am back....

The site was bugged and I couldn't post anything for ages. So please accept my belated Easter wishes.

I hope that you all had a great time, and got to do the things you wanted, and maybe even had a chocolate or two or three....who's counting?? lol

I treated myself to a foot spa and have lovely red toe nails, bought myself a new handbag, and decided that a head, neck, shoulders, and back massage would end my shopping day out nicely. It isn't often that I do this for myself, so I do not feel bad about it  at all! 

I had to work the Easter Saturday  which was a nice double time, so I wasn't hurting anyone by spending on such luxuries.

I probably should have replaced the broken camera, since child two dropped it and damaged the lens while taking self pics of himself! But this was much more fun.

But I didn't really enjoy the massage. In fact it was rather uncomfortable. I actually felt sexually violated. The young Asian girl about half way through pulled the curtain round and then began to, as I can only describe it as, grinding her pubic bone into my elbow. She did this for a bit, and I was telling myself it wasn't anything as she was short.....makes sense right?

Then she moved and I was glad as she wasn't going to be pressing herself against me.......WRONG!

She then hopped on me. She did sit on me, but she straddled me, and then massaged my back, while I felt her breasts and torso make contact with me over and over.

I was so tense, that I in fact was starting to feel back pain , instead of relief. I was just seconds from telling her to STOP, when she hopped off and then ended the massage with my head, which was really nice.

I came home not really sure about what my experience was. So I told my hubby about it, and all he can say is "Oh I think I need a massage, my back is a bit sore, where was that place you went!"

Honestly, no sympathy there, just more of a hint of wow you get all the fun, wish I was there to watch...... MEN! Personally I can't see myself going back there. lol 

The week was uplifted by the boys having an awesome term at school, with both their teacher's praising them. Child 2 even got an award. Hubby and I were so proud, and their teachers this year are really lovely. What a difference a good teacher who can connect with your child makes. For us it meant coming home from the meetings, happy and relaxed and not needing a a long foetal positioned nap!

Anyway Keep Smiling.

HAPPY EASTER LONG WEEKEND EVERYONE. 

Be happy, eat chocolate, drive safe, and love the ones you are with.

If your long weekend is broken up due to having to work the public holidays like me, then enjoy the extra money coming your way.

Now for a giggle...... I couldn't help myself !

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