Well hello again.....................

Today I bumped into a lady I work with. She has just spent the year off work.....why you ask?? I wish I could say it was an extending holiday...lotto win.....a trip around the world....but sadly it was so she could spend every moment with her husband. This time last year he was told he had 2 weeks to leave......he died 2 weeks ago. They had been married for 38 years, together for 40. 

Even though she is full of sadness and loss, and I have no wish to ever want to understand what she is going through, she impressed me with her honesty, and grace. Her life is not over. She is sadly still here. Nights are the lonely, and she can't sleep.........but she is taking it one day at a time, and my heart just goes out to her.

A very good reminder of how short and precious life is.........

 ....It really made me think....I have just spent 3 almost sleepless nights. I have no idea why I am not sleeping. Probably too busy worrying about Christmas, and work, and my back, and my teen aged daughter, and what the fuck I need to buy for Christmas bloody lunch.

I am not really a huge fan of Christmas. I see it as a commercial nightmare. I do love watching the kids open their presents on Christmas morning, but then the day is pretty much back to same old....just with  a lot of extra cooking and cleaning. So over it. The shopping, planning, cooking, fussing..........if the kids were not little I wouldn't even bother. Honestly! Retail has sucked the fun out of it all. If I was rich I'd go away each Christmas and spend it by a pool with my family and just forget all the bull shit friendliness reserved for just this time of year with people who are never fucking around for the rest of it.

I must say this year has been my cheapest as I have cut out  a lot of people from my shopping list. Family or no family. You are grown up, working, and you never think us. So what the hell am I worried about you for? You will be fine. I cared for you, but that doesn't mean I am a door mat. 

So Christmas this year has become about the people in my life who give a fuck. Who are there when things are bad, and when things are great, and when things are  just things...and life is just boring..........these people I care about and wish to give back to in my small Criss way.... I think that is so much more real than all this pretend bullshit.

 

 So for the sake of the boys the tree went up again this year lights and all. It looks rather pretty at night with the lights on, but my tablet isn't the best for photo's but you get the idea.... and so far the cats have not tried to climb it!

 Now we have been really sick these past few weeks. We seem to have caught a rather nasty flu bug that was going around, and yours truly wasn't spared and I spent 5 days unable to eat, and being sick, and feverish, and rather yucky. Happy to report that we are all back to almost normal, just all still getting tried still.........not that it helps me to sleep!

So I went totally domestic as soon as I felt half way decent. This house was covered from top to bottom with antiseptic cleaners, and I even did the light switches. You name it, what ever those little grotty buggers could touch was utterly cleansed with in an inch of it's life. The house smelled like a mixture of Glen 20, and Pine-o-clean and bleach. There was no way I was going back for round 2.

With getting better, so did my frisky feelings, and I was so looking forward to the weekend. Miss was away all weekend, and I had the weekend off. 2 nights of Hubby time, and fun, and hopefully sex...........

...instead hubby had a shit time at work, and brought it all home, and so my beautiful romantic candle lit dinner was over run by almost  two hours of ranting and venting about work. He was pretty pissed, and rightly so, and he needed someone to talk to, and who better for that than me.... which I am happy to do.....It was just bad timing...no ones fault...but he was depressed, and pissed, and so no fun was had FRIDAY or SATURDAY or SUNDAY or........maybe that is why I can't sleep???????????

This is Molly. She has recently taken a liking to our bed. She has been my day time bed buddy all weekend. This time last year we were all waiting the arrival of her kittens. Hard to believe that was 12 months ago!

Even though I can be barking mad sometimes, I do have much to be happy about, and that is after all what is important right? I love this crazy bunch of misfits to bits.

True story.............ask anyone who knows me! On the other hand best not!!!!!

Oh how I wish it was this easy........................................lol

So night after night I lie there  awake, trying hard not to look at the clock.....THINKING............TURNING............fluffing pillows............ more THINKING.........

....and wishing that my hubby would cheer up, and feel better and ravish me so I can SLEEP AGAIN!!!!!!!

Don't think about sex I tell myself.....sssshhhhhhhh.......shut-up or you will never get to bloody sleep.........................Fuck it's now 2am.........you went to bed 3 hours ago...................what shall we have for Christmas lunch............was that the cat..............................did I pay the phone bill...........................

Sorry was I thinking in type mode again wasn't I ?????

...and then there was this incident...........shall I call it my senior moment of the year???

YES I DID............yes that, exactly that............................ I got up, and showered, dressed, and got the boys to school, and Miss to her job, then drove 25 mins into work. Got there a bit early, sat in the lunch room for a bit then clocked on and went out on to the shop floor and began my day with my customers............

After about a minute or two, my boss for the day asks what I am doing with a funny grin on her face..... WORKING......like dah....what else would I be doing here in my uniform behind the counter???

She shook her head.....I looked puzzled....she looked at the roster book, and as she scrolled her finger across the printed black type it all started to make perfect sense.

I had screwed up my weeks. I was indeed working that day......I was just 8 bloody hours EARLY!

So I was sent back home to where my shame was exposed to all, and was greeted affectionately by hubby who could only say.........

YOU DICK HEAD!

lol

It's been a hell of a few weeks like I said........... I hope things soon, well once Christmas is over.......start to just mellow out and be simple.

SO just in case I forget who I am or where I am.........do have a lovely CHRISTMAS.......I am bound to catch up before then  I hope....

HUGS as always

Stay safe..................