Daily I am bombarded with health news, diet shakes, recipes, exercise tips, and images of young well shaped, lovely slim bodied women. They look amazing, the food looks delicious, and I resolved to give myself yet another kick in the pants to up the anti....do some tummy crunches, go for that walk, make up a health green juice.....
........but at the end of a long day at work.....and coming home after doing the shopping, finding that the dishes have been left there convinitately for you to do......news that the eldest child going out with girlfriends......and hubby has been called into work..... (There goes the back up help)......and so you get dinner, while doing two loads of laundry.....vacuum the carpet.....(because your best friend is popping in for a visit tomorrow, and you really can't handle the food crumbs the kids left you a day longer).......and your body is tired and suddenly feeling 20 years older than it is......and it is a hot 35 degrees outside.....even the cat won't move.......forgive me if I don't feel like jumping for joy if Miss Celebrity X lost 20kgs, do you want to know how she did it??? NO, actually I could give a rats #%*@!!!
The truth is we can get so bogged down by societies expectations that we suddenly start to define ourselves, our self worth even, by that standard......
All of a sudden you are not a good wife, mother, sister, friend, member of the world.......you are just a FAT LADY. That's it, nothing more....just FAT!
Well I'd like to remind you all , along with myself, that the FAT, is not what defines us. It is just the shell....just the cover.....and we never judge a book by it's cover......... NO WE DON'T!!!!!
She has never put down her friends for their weight......after living with a mother with PCOS, and knowing how hard it is for me to shed even a kilo, despite watching how careful I can be with my food....she understands that sometimes it isn't only about the food we eat...... It really hurt her........she wanted to buy new bathers, but her 'fuller framed' friends didn't want to go with her because they didn't want her showing off her good body at them.......the shame was their's......they didn't want to compare their bodies with hers......they felt less......and so they made her feel less..................... SAD! But a good reality check .....it is not just FAT people who get picked on or judged........So let's please just focus on the person!
Do I envy youth, and women who take good care of themselves......yes, but I also appauld them.......If you are willing to take the time and workout, eat well, to stay looking hot......YOU GO GIRL! I know you are not doing that to ruin my day.............
I was young and fit and healthy once too..........................don't believe me................check this out..........................
Today.................28 years....3 kids.......back accident.....a lot of life stress and shit.....and PCOS...... later....... I now look like this.............
I am double of my 18 year old self.......or there is just more of me to love??? LOL
It wasn't until after I had my first child that the weight started creeping on...... very slowly..............
Hubby went temporarily blind when she was 6 weeks old, and I suffered from Post Natal Depression.......I was caring for an abusive mother......a blind depressed hubby.....and a new baby with colic.........Not my fondest year....................
The stress, the lack of sleep, going back to work too early, the eating out of comfort, whatever was easy......quick....just getting through each day......it started to transform me........
Guilt about how I was feeling, just fed the monster, I hated myself.....and I started on this merry-go-round called life...........
We moved across the state to start again, away from the crazy.....and life was better, but money has always been an issue since.......
It's only been the last two years that I have started to really understand what the last 21 years have done to my body....what I have done......and what I now understand was not all because I had the occasional cheese burger at Mc Donalds.......
So,I am fat..........does that stop me from having good friends?
Does it stop me from loving my hubby or him loving me?
Does it make me any different as a parent?
Do I love my kids less, or perform less at my job?
NO!
I am still me..............I still feel the same, think the same, love the same, care the same, laugh the same, scream and cry the same......but I do not hate myself the same............
In fact, I love myself more now that I did when I was 18 and hot! Back then I was too young to appreciate how good I looked. In fact would you believe I use to cover up because I thought I was FAT! Seriously...........If I could have that body now I would so beaching it in a bikini...........such a silly girl......................but that stems from a child abuse issues, and a mother who always told me how ugly and unlovable I was...........not a story I care to go into now......
Everything, apart from the extra Criss I am carrying, is better now.....
If you lose the shame about the FAT, and accept that you are dealing with an illness, an illness you now have tools to manage, and fight back....you can be open to LIFE.......honestly I kid you not...........really, I wouldn't lie to you............I don't lie.............so accept what I say for it is my truth......................
I am HAPPY now......I am so grateful for the life I have been given.........I have a great job , where I matter to people..........I have the best hubby on the planet..............and 3 beautiful kids , which I supposedly couldn't have.............and I get PERIODS...........and as a bonus to my new found love and acceptance of myself......I now can really relax and enjoy sex....................which is even better than it was when I was 20 and hot looking! I can let the concerns of how I look go, and that frees my mind to stay in the moment, in the now, and when I go off, I go off like never before, and it is FABULOUS! Sex/Awesome Orgasams is great for making your skin glow too...........BONUS!
I understand myself more.......I respect myself, and eat right.....and slowly I am turning this thing around...............
Will I ever be as slim as I was when I was 18? Probably not.........but as long as I feel healthy...........I eat healthy..............I teach my kids to be healthy............and I forget the FAT, and focus on the ME, the woman, the person, it really isn't the end of the world......
Be grateful for what you have..............keep moving forward in a positive direction.............there are no rules or deadlines for the destination...........just enjoy the ride as best you can...............
Till next time.................STAY HAPPY!